The Mage Conspiracy Document

Yes, a bunch of my failed Mages, and these are just the ones that survived the big delete. I thought it was because I’m … well fail at mageing but through a little investigative reporting by Ironsally, she’s managed to uncover a huge hoax perpetrated by Gnomes, yes Gnomes, who really aren’t what they seem  …  wait I’m getting ahead of myself here, I’m all excited about being confrontational.

To start at the beginning, Gnomeaggedon posted this challenge.

Challenge: Find one of my old posts from the 830 odd posts I have written and choose to agree or disagree with it. Compare life during TBC with life pre-MoP. Hate me, go on, hate me – ill love you for it!

I commented that I probably couldn’t go the “disagree” route because I’m not confrontational. I’m more of an appeaser. I blame that on my mother who always told me “if you can’t say anything nice, just be quiet.” This got me put in a “special” group in first grade because I never spoke. My mother got confrontational with them though, and put an end to that nonsense. So anyway, I’d like to be confrontational, just once.

While browsing Gnomeaggedon’s blog I did actually come to the point where I took exception to something, in fact I disagreed with his WHOLE BLOG. PvPing with a Mage, I mean a whole Battle Mage section, really, as though that’s possible. I mean it can’t possibly be ME who’s a fail Mage. Something’s going on here. I always thought the Gnomes were up to something devious, I just wasn’t sure what … well now I know and I’m here to reveal it to the world and I’m not sure, but I think the probability is high that Gnomeaggedon is in fact the ringleader of this dastardly plot.

Yes, can you believe it? Ironsally unearthed this shot in a secret archive Gnomeaggedon keeps. He’s taking credit for the Alliance AND THE GNOMES for the moon walk and everyone knows the whole thing was staged and shot in the Motion Picture District of Stormwind. Nobody’s ever walked on the moon, ridiculous. The link? I seem to have misplaced it, but look, there he is!! If anyone could walk on the moon it would mean they aren’t even Gnomish, or Human, or Orc, but alien.

Not convinced, I have more. Don’t think the Gnomes are really aliens who have special powers that allow them to Mage? Well look at this, another telling article where they divulge their nefarious plot to hide among us until they strike, they have an appearance guide! Aliens hiding as cute little Gnomes, right here in Azeroth!

There’s more, this one saddens me, as you can see by the comments even I was at first taken in. Imraith Dos Santos, yes, one of them. And don’t be fooled, if you see a Human or Troll Mage, means nothing. They can disguise their appearance. Good at Mageing? It’s an alien. Case in point, note the comments on Navimie’s post about her Ironman. That’s right; Big Bear Butt accidentally let on that he’s good at being a Mage.  “Bigironbutt the draenei Mage, which is just inside my comfort zone.” Sad but true, our beloved Bear must be one of THEM.

Oh, there were early signs but we missed them.

If you listen closely you’ll hear Cranius frequently allude to his “stature.” All these years we took it to mean his high station as a killing machine while all the time he was actually bemoaning the fate of all Gnomes, he’s short in his true form. And look at the chorus … Gnomes.

Still not convinced? Well another inquiring mind found evidence that they aren’t just up to no good here in Azeroth. In a telling exposé Vrykerion uncovered the truth about Jedi right here. If all that hasn’t convinced you I have one last irrefutable piece of evidence.

Yes, a high level meeting between Gnomeaggedon and his handler. Need I say more? I don’t know if it’s too late. I don’t know if we can save Azeroth from complete alien takeover but we must try! Gnomeaggedon, you’ve been confronted. We will stop at nothing to foil your evil plans! Aarrrgghhh! My Mage Druid is coming for you!

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31 Responses to “The Mage Conspiracy Document”

  1. Technically, they’re alien clones created by the Clone-o-tron 5000.

    It’s a subtle but important distinction.

  2. I have just woken and the 1st thing I do is read this… You even have me wondering.

    ps: Got some moon dust going cheap if you are interested

  3. This post made me lol. Darn gnomes…

  4. [...] The Mage Conspiracy Document « Tome of the Ancient (I laughed till I cried) [...]

  5. Leave it to a gnome, specifically a gnome mage, to stir up some sh*t.

    Too damn funny!

    • I know, they are shifty characters those Gnome Mages, you can’t take your eyes off them for a second.

      Trying to sell me moon dust … I wonder what it’s selling for though, might just buy a little just in case.

  6. Now wait a sec, Draenei are also aliens. Does that make us bad? :(

    And BTW, it is funny that you should mention your Mageish failings. I too have failed in all this time to get a Mage over Level 12 – until this week! That is right, my Draenei Mage, Kiirae, is Level 35 now! I guess it makes sense, since she is a Space Goat! (And I think going Fire made a big difference too… OMG, Fire is fun!)

    ~ Effy

    • Oh no, Draenei are the good kind of aliens :)

      Maybe that’s my problem I’ve never specced fire. My first Mage I started in vanilla and she’s my level 53 bank alt, lol. I’ve made many since and I’m just terrible at it. I should put leveling one on my vast bucket list.

      • Yah, if you have not tried out Fire Mageing, I would definitely suggest it! It has my new all-time favorite proc – HOT STREAK! It is so pretty, and it makes the biggest, slowest-casting spell for Fire instant. So much fun.

        And I am very glad I am the good type of alien! :D

        ~ Effy

  7. I wanted to wait and read everyone’s replies, before I wrote
    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Ancient you crack me up. Every time. Thank god you post daily so i can get daily giggles :D

    I’m glad you took up Gnomey’s challenge. I thought about doing it but I rethought it and … nahh, people think I’m crazy enough without having to read my latest take on someone else’s stuff.

  8. I’m glad I waited to read this until this morning, I needed a good laugh.

    This also confirms that all the years that I’ve encouraged gnome punting, that I was right!

  9. And a /wicked grin comes your way from Lillibilli who divulges no secrets…Lilli clones rule!

  10. [...] If you haven’t ever heard a female gnome call someone a /chicken go try it now, it’s both annoying and cute. I also like telling people to /flee or just yelling it myself whilst I run away from people. Although oddly enough I never used to be an emoter, I can’t imagine my Night Elf Priest ever resorting to such coarse tactics so it must be a direct result of playing a Gnome….  [...]

  11. [...] cried through this more than I did through E.T. despite recent suggestions that E.T. and I might be involved in some kind of conspiracy, which may or may not involve some very reasonably priced Real [...]

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