Non WoW, I’ve Seen my Future …

And it’s the freaking fourth circle of hell! I’m not kidding, it’s no joke. Yes, I’ll get back to WoW shortly but this just totally freaked me out. You gentlemen can move along, nothing to interest you here. And I know all the ladies who come here are young, svelte, and beautiful beyond compare. But the future … OMG! The Double Eyebrow Club awaits! They’re waiting!

I guess I need to give a little background for this to make any kind of sense. Years ago when I was like … you know … young, I noticed with alarming frequency woman of a certain age with double eyebrows. Something like the recreation above. They’d start out normal and then about halfway through there’d be a course deviation and that sucker would take wing and you’d be left with a penciled on second half of an eyebrow.

What did this mean? Some kind of fashion statement? Some fad or a cult of badass grannies? Did they really think it looked good? I was stymied, but being young I didn’t give much thought to what the older crowd was doing and I just let the whole thing go, but I always thought of them as The Double Eyebrow Club, probably had a secret handshake and everything.

Time passed. And passed. Enter, Presbyopia. Presbyopia is an eye condition affecting everyone past the age of 40-43. The “my arms are no longer long enough to read” disease. The “I have fifteen pair of cheap grocery store magnifying glasses scattered around the house” disease. In my case to combat it I have bifocal contacts, one eye sees close up and one drives the car and my brain somehow tricks my eyes into thinking their both seeing stuff.

I’ve been told however, that I won’t get away with this forever. As Presbyopia advances there’ll come a point that my brain will scream STOP THE MADNESS and will refuse to focus and then I’ll have to buy fifteen pair of cheap glasses too.

Okay, here’s the scary part. I saw a good friend of mine recently. She keeps in shape, I mean the crazy woman runs marathons, always looks good and has impeccable taste. SHE HAD A FREAKING DOUBLE EYEBROW, OMG, WHAT DO I SAY, OR SHOULD I JUST KEEP QUIET, OMG WHAT DO I DO!

I tried not to stare. She’d never have done this on purpose. She’d been initiated into the Double Eyebrow Club. She obviously was kinda a noob as she only had one double eyebrow and I think you’re supposed to do both … as far as I know. I tried to stay calm. She’s older than me, I think three years older but, granted I was panicking, so I could be wrong. Was she here FOR ME? Did they send her? Crap! THE EVIL COVEN OF DOUBLE EYEBROWED GRANNIES!

I managed to make it through the rest of the visit by sitting on her good eyebrow side. After she left, I ran upstairs to check my eyebrows, whew, all good. Everything’s where it’s supposed to be. After I calmed down I finally realized that this probably wasn’t an evil club, it was Presbyopia. They can’t see what they’re doing, but they still do it.

I recently complimented my daughter on her outfit. She replied, “Are you sure it looks alright, I feel like I’m mutton dressed as lamb.” OMG! How can she even think that. And anyone out there? Don’t ever start thinking that. YOU ARE NOT MUTTON UNTIL YOU’VE DRAWN YOUR FIRST DOUBLE EYEBROW!

Me? I’m going shopping to find the best, most expensive bathroom magnifying glass I can find. One made by Nasa and tested in space … made of titanium … with lenses ground by the people who make them for places like the Palomar Observatory.

I hope it will work, a lot’s riding on this. I’m going to do everything humanly possible to avoid my first … baaa baaa … double eyebrow.

Wild Night, the original … just feels right.

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10 Responses to “Non WoW, I’ve Seen my Future …”

  1. Omg you have cracked me up. I cannot stop laughing and I just went to see if I had double eyebrow but thankfully not yet!

    • I’m glad you laughed this time instead of scaring you! I’m sure you are decades away from having to worry and when you get close you can get a Nasa approved magnifying glass and stay forever young like me lol!

  2. For the love of Norgannon I hope I don’t ever end up with double eyebrows… My eyebrows are so thick and pervasive already (I have to pluck a few hair *on the middle of my nose* – yes really), I might as well go Furry if that ever happened! :o

  3. OK Look! First of all, enough with the creepy pics. That picture has always creeped me out a bit. But I had no idea what you meant by double eyebrows. I thought double eyebrows were a good thing as opposed to the mono brow. That is until you made me look at that picture again…

    So now I know they do exist but it makes me think of that guy I saw on wacky surgeries or whatever it was called because this guy wanted a tongue like a snake so he cut the middle bit out and has two pointy bits.

    • Oh geez, I didn’t think she was creepy lol, sorry! But on second thought all the faces I do are pretty weird. It’s probably that double eyebrow making her scary!

      OMG! Now that’s creepy! A snake tongue, now snakes are what really scare me for real, I wonder how you’d talk or sound with a snake tongue.

      • So are you talking about mishandling of eyebrow pencils? About when hair grows in places it shouldn’t and not in places it should? Are we going to have to track down Brooke Shields, and hope that Elizabeth Taylor left her perfect eyebrows in some of organ donor gift? All I know is I love my mom, but sound just. Like. Her. That cloning experiment she implemented has been quite successful.

        • LOL! Thankfully my mom stopped wearing makeup. She briefly went semi-insane for a year or so and she had four eyebrows and little circles of red on her cheeks and it was SO HARD not to stare but she finally came out of it, so whew, no more makeup.

  4. At first I was afraid that the double eyebrow was something naturally occurring in faces that could happen to me…but now I know it’s just a result of eyebrow pencil tomfoolery I should be safe! Unless I suddenly get the urge to SHAPE AND DEFINE my brows which is unlikely to happen XD

    Say no to double brow! Check yo shit in the mirror before you go out! (I need this advice because I sometimes have food…on my face…it’s a problem.)

    • LOL! We’re probably both pretty safe, I’m not much on maintenance. I only tried to shape my eyebrows once and as a result had one permanently surprised eyebrow and one normal for a while!

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