The River Speaks of Your Deeds

Well that’s what Jogu the Drunk tells me anyway. I hope it’s just the ravings of an alcohol-riddled mind because Cat does NOT want the river running its mouth about her. Yeah, she’s hiding behind a Tauren mask, who does she think she’s kidding. She got her feelings hurt because Navi made disparaging remarks about Night Elves on a Girls Gone WoW podcast. I told her, look Navi has to say those things, she’s Horde. You don’t want her in trouble with Hellscream do you?

So anyway, Cat’s been running around sucking up to every faction she can find. She kind of ran out of steam once she got honored with the Golden Lotus which meant the siren song of pet battles pulled her back in. Seductive little beasties.

She did stop to do a couple of scenarios. Both had the same mission, brewing. Those crazy pandas. They were both fun although I’m not sure what happened in Unga Ingoo, A Brewing Storm went fine but for some reason on Captain Ook at some point I realize my two buddies are dead but Captain Ook doesn’t turn around, which was damn lucky for me so I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

So then Cat decides, yes, it’s always Cat NOT ME when we get to the bad stuff. CAT decides that since she’s 90 she’ll go to Naxxramas with a Laid Back Raid. I mean surely at 90 she can’t be a danger to anyone aside from the whole getting lost thingy.

OH NO! She can too! She was trying to stay away from everyone, casting puny, weak, spells and the next thing you know she’s cavorting around as a giant bear dealing all kinds of death and destruction. This was puzzling to her as of course she hadn’t actually READ anything about the fight beforehand. After coming back to life she did look it up and found that stupid, stupid, Kel’Thuzad does a mind control thingy in 25 man. So yeah, that explains the whole running willy-nilly thing. But as a bear?

Yes … well, I had consumed a glass of wine by this point, and yes, my “turn into a mighty bear” key is right next to my renewal key, so maybe it was me and not Kel’Thuzad responsible for the bear part. So anyway I think I killed everyone, either that or I’m some kind of egomaniac that thinks everything must have something to do with them. Especially if it’s bad. So either way, just saying … not good. The river’s calling her Cat Jenkins.

After being the cause of all that carnage Cat headed home. Getting to see the moon did cheer her up a little. Usually she has to rely on someone else to view it. She vowed to stay off main routes and follow the back roads of anonymous pet battlers. Meeting at lonely, seedy, dives where no one knows your name. Until finally, the river stops speaking of her deeds.

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12 Responses to “The River Speaks of Your Deeds”

  1. Hmmm….

    Makes me wonder if there will be a place where people end up meeting for pet battles much like Goldshire has, well, that reputation….

  2. A similar thing happened to me just before MoP came out. I was running a newly dinged 85 through a normal Throne of Tides. I was healing, fully decked out in my heroic Dragon Soul gear, and the rest of the group was composed of new level 84-85 people who were thrilled to have me along keeping them alive with ease. I mean, my Regrowth was hitting for more than their entire health pools, so how could they possible die, right?

    Then we pulled the Squid Hat boss. (I don’t remember his real name, I’ve always just called him Squid Hat.) And who does he mind control? ME. I moonfire/wrath/hurricaned them all to death long before they whittled me to half health. It was both hilarious and tragic.

    So I greatly sympathize.

    Oh, and Kel’thuzad probably did turn you into a bear all on his own. Bosses who mind control will sometimes use the most bizarre abilities. The aforementioned Squid Hat boss likes to use the archeology Survey ability. Why? No one knows.

    • By the Gods! Those guys are crazy! The archeology survey ability! Is nothing sacred, lol! Oh good then, I figured my one glass of wine had totally turned me into a nit wit and I hit the giant bear button of death.

      Okay, these pixel bosses are sentient, I just know it. Squid Hat picked the best geared, hard to kill person by chance? I think not, something very fishy is going on here!

      • Some times they are really smart, Kel made me cast Guardian spirit followed by divine hymn once, not to mention the fact that he and he alone stopped us getting the Immortal week after week by “interesting” spell usage whilst mind controlling people. Every week we’d be ok, put x and y on cooldown and yet, he’d still find a new way to kill someone :D

        I’d suggest the Grim Guzzler as a seedy meeting place it’s got pickled eggs and there is the added benefit of everyone being too drunk to remember your name.

        • I had no idea! These guys really ARE monsters! I’m going to think twice before I get near old Kel’Thuzad again!

          That is perfect Erinys! The Grim Guzzler would work well, they’re so drunk they wouldn’t remember names and you could probably get away with putting a ringer in for one of your pets, they’d never notice.

  3. JD Kenada Says:

    Tum figures we haven’t actually gone in there yet and that he just mixed too much Brewfest Brew and Hallow’s End candy together last night…

  4. As long as the river doesn’t kiss and tell, we’re cool….lol!

    • Yeah, I don’t know much about the discretion of rivers, just got to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best!

      • Too bad what happens in the river doesn’t stay in the river.

        Among seedy locations, I like the back alley in Booty Bay where Sly Garrett hangs out and any place in the Dalaran sewers. Those spots also happen to be accessible to cross-faction shenanigans.

        • Yeah, river’s just don’t have the same ethics Vegas does, lol!

          I forgot about Booty Bay, that would be perfect. There are a lot of good seedy dives to take my pet battle action! Who knew!

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