Screaming Like a Little Girl

screamSo yesterday I was all happy. Yay! I’m out of my mope! Things are looking up! I’m going to read all the blogs and comment! Yeah … I should have known I was tempting fate. I had sent work off for review. I probably had MOST OF THE DAY to read and then go to the Timeless Isle! YAY!

Nope. I published my post and the phone rang. Phone-ringing early morning is not a good sign. My Mother. Not a good sign. She said she had a doctor appointment and felt too bad to drive, I must drive her. A round trip to my Mother is three hours since she refuses to live close to any of her designated drivers. Okay, what can you do.

I have an irrational fear. Just one … I’m not greedy. Snakes. I really, really hate them. I really, really fear them. I see one and the hair on the back of my head stands up. I get chills. I scream.

So I go to the basement to bring the dogs in from their morning jaunt in the yard. At the bottom of the stairs. IN MY HOUSE! THERE IS A SNAKE.

blackkingsnake

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM! SCREAMING MORE! AND MORE!

Yeah, it went on for a while, the thing’s hearing is probably permanently impaired now but I don’t care, I hate it!

I had to leave to go drive my Mother but for some reason I was convinced snake would get the dogs while I was away. My husband thinks I’m pretty funny. I attribute all sorts of mystical powers to snakes. They could climb the stairs. They could squeeze under the door at the top of the stairs. They could GET THE DOGS!

I must resolve this before I leave. This means I must approach crafty snake. OMG! I get a trash can lid and manage to put in on top of snake. In my mind I have sufficiently protected the dogs. I can get the hell out of the house of doom with a clear conscious.

Four and a half hours later I return. Dogs are okay. We wait for husband to come home. We don’t go down to the basement. I don’t even open the door to the basement lest SNAKE is lurking on the top step … having escaped confinement.

There is a big thunderstorm going on in the background, kind of setting the mood. Husband’s late. FINALLY he arrives. I tell him my snake story which he seems to find amusing.

He’s more afraid of you than you are of him.

BULLSHIT! That’s not even possible.

Snakes are good, they eat rats.

I DON’T CARE, I’M NOT AFRAID OF RATS … JUST SNAKES … please just get him out of here!

So, long story short … I guess that’s not possible. Long story ending. The snake was gone, kind of proving my point that they have super powers. It’s still in the basement. I gave my husband a flashlight to search but snake is too crafty … it’s hidden. IT LIVES … IN MY BASEMENT.

I’m writing this two stories away from the snake but I keep turning around to check my back.

I really did have a WoW related post in mind … but I can’t concentrate on anything but SNAKE.

Anyway, the moral of the story is if something good happens and you’re all happy about it DON’T post it on a WoW blog. Apparently the fates closely monitor WoW blogs for happiness and you may end up with a SNAKE in your basement. Or a RAT or a SPIDER or … I don’t know a WEIMARANER … just insert your own irrational fear. I’m not kidding … be careful.

Signing off … two staircases away from the basement.

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44 Responses to “Screaming Like a Little Girl”

  1. I’m terrified of spiders myself, and know just how you feel with your phobia.

    But snakes… I have to say I love snakes. I own six. But I’m the first to say I know why they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, as they can move. Really move. And yes, they can indeed climb stairs.

    But try and remember, if you leave them alone they generally leave you alone. Of course I know remembering that is easier said than done!

  2. True Story:

    On Mother’s Day about eight years ago, I was coming back from the grocery store with some food to grill out. It was also Derby Weekend, which is a Big Deal since my wife is a native Louisvillian. Hence, I picked up ingredients for a Derby Pie along with the meat and veggies for the grill.

    Huh, I thought. I don’t remember leaving the hose out along the garage door.

    Then it moved.

    It was a six foot long black rat snake, and apparently had taken up residence in the bushes in the side yard.

    The kids piled out of the house to see all the ingredients for the Pie, and then they saw me staring at the garage.

    There was much screaming.

    On the bright side, we didn’t have problems with moles for several years after that.

    • OMG! I’m embarrassed to say the one in the basement that turned me into psycho screamer is just a little thing. A six foot long snake sighting might even be fatal to me, lol. Oh wow, what a Mother’s Day surprise!

  3. Aaaah, snakes. They DO have magical powers.

    See, my mother is terrified of snakes. When I was a little kid, she used to tell me Very Seriously to not take the Lord’s name in vain. Because she had magic super willpowers, I never heard HER take the Lord’s name in vain (just my father and everybody else ever). But then there was that time she saw a snake and screamed “JESUS CHRIST” at the top of her lungs while running Very Fast in the opposite direction.

    Credibility evaporated.

  4. I have an irrational fear of roaches.

    I will have a full out panic attack if I see one.

    At least you were able to put a lid on the snake. I wouldn’t even be able to do that to a roach.

  5. OMG … alter the word “snake” to “spider”, and that would be me. Spiders sit and wait for you, then go for your throat. True story. Honest. Its the main reason to keep a husband.

    I was playing WoW only a couple of evenings ago, after my hubby had gone to bed, and something moved out the corner of my eye. This biggest ever, ginormous spider with massive eyes and big fangs, must have been at least 4 ft wide (I reserve the right to exaggerate) was sitting on the wall staring at me. My computer got switched off in super fast time, whilst staring at this spider .. then I legged it upstairs and stood at the bottom of the bed, wiggling my hubbies toes until he woke up, and poked and prodded him until he found a bucket (cup) big enough for it, caught it and chucked it outside (the spider, not the bucket/cup). Pretty sure it made a dent in the drive …

    To be fair, I think your phobia is a much more kosher one than mine … didn’t a snake kill two kids on a sleepover above a pet store, recently? *shudders*

    • Couldn’t get past, “Its the main reason to keep a husband.” ROTFL! My best husband as game hunter was when he left a screenless window open and a bat flew in. I would NOT go to bed with a bat in the house he HAD to confine it. He finally trapped it in a basket.

      Others might not but I BELIEVE it was 4ft wide, these creatures have powers, they aren’t to be trusted!

  6. Well, crud. If keeping CD Rogue around to kill spiders is his raison d’etre, we are in trouble. I am the WRANGLER OF ALL SMALL THINGS in the Matty-shack. I shall send you all a Buff of Bravery. Now, get me next to an eye-rolling teenager: kryptonite.

    • I am so lucky I don’t have to contend with eye-rolling teenagers, I doubt I’d do well either. I’m okay with spiders and buggish thing, we get centipedes in the house and stuff but I WOULD need your buff for a snake, maybe a double!

  7. I’m not afraid of snakes, just like to keep a respectful distance as I don’t know which are venomous so better safe than sorry. Saying that, there is no way I would want to share my living space with one :P
    You might want to stay away from Timeless Isle…

    • I know! Those gigantic horrible snakes, lol! My characters are so much braver than I am, Warlock’s been killing them right and left and Cat the Druid stealths by anything she thinks is icky, big cheater.

  8. “I’m writing this two stories away from the snake but I keep turning around to check my back.”

    I apologies for laughing my ass of at your misfortune. I could picture myself doing exactly the same.

  9. I sympathize.

    ” I don’t know a WEIMARANER”

    True story! Our next-door neighbor’s Weimaraner had a phobia about cats. Or maybe just our cat. It was possibly related to that time our Persian jumped on the dog’s back and went for a ride. The dog kept a distance from our fence ever after.

    Their dachshund never had a fear of our cat. I always imagined it barking “Pick on someone your own size! Like me!”

  10. I have my own phobia.

    I first recognized it when needing to enter a busy classroom and interrupting the teacher to ask a question. I’d stand outside the door until there was a clear break in attention or class ended or SOMETHING.

    It continues and overtakes me when my mouse hovers over the “Join LFD Queue” or something.

    Let me at the snake. I know how to handle THEM!

  11. one word – ferret. Trust me, you will not have a problem with snakes if you get a ferret or two. Sweet Bob and Miss Peachy take care of any bug, spider, or snake(s) that just might come into the house via the basement back door.

    I wish I could have a giant ferret as my hunter’s pet in the game.

    • That’s funny a new store opened near us and they had ferrets. We stood and watched them for some time they were pretty cute. Who knows, if we can’t find that snake might be back to the store, lol.

    • Many moons ago, a friend of ours had a couple of ferrets. They worked them, but they were also pets and they occasionally let them roam the house. We discovered they liked toes, one day, when myself and our friend were washing up and heard very girly squeals coming from the other room. We rushed through to see what was happening, to find my hubby stood on the sofa, be-socked, with two ferrets nipping at his toes.

      Unfortunately we laughed so much, we forgot we’d left the tap on, and flooded the kitchen .. but it was worth it.

      • LMAO, that’s funny. A big grown up guy squealing like a little girl from a couple of ferts. I can picture it.

        I have had 2 or more ferrets since 1994. I really can’t see getting anything else when it comes to animals. No noise, uses litter box 100% of the time, small. But not enough life – 4 top 8 years is it.I had one – Miss Alpha Beta (alfie) who lived for 9 years and 5 months, but cancer finally took her and expensive when it comes to the vet.

        Over the years I used my girls and guys to run cat 5 cable thru ductwork, and attics. At my last squadron when I was in the Air Force used them to run all sorts of cable. Also used them here at my college to run video cable in those places where we can’t get in to. I would put a little harness on them, attach the cable, then my co-worker would go to the other side and squeaked the rubber toy. :D They ran right too him, under and over things in the ceiling, dragging the cable. :D

        Now I am a little selfish – I use them as my “give me back my center of the universe and recovery” at the end of the day.

        Thank you for sharing!!!!

  12. Oh wow, I’d hate to ever see a snake in my house. I would be so paranoid too. Hope you find it and dispose of it soon for your own sanity. :)

    • My husband just shrugs and says, sorry can’t find him. Maybe I should appeal to his love of wildlife and convince him it’s for the snakes own good. I mean he’ll starve down there. Maybe that’ll work.

      • We hate snakes too although I’ve never seen one in the house. We only have garter snakes around here so can quietly loathe them from nearby.
        As to the screaming, I was weeding in the south garden when I heard my wife really screaming for me from the north side of the house. Face to face, like 10′ away, from a black bear. I thought that that was scream worthy.

        • OMG! That indeed is scream worthy! I take it it turned out alright. Did he just leave?

        • I got there in time to see him haring off to the north while she ran south toward me. All ok and now it’s a just a good story but it had its moments for darn sure. Some friends told us that bear bells make them curious but they don’t like human voices. I must admit I didn’t realise my wife could make as much noise. I think they scared each other.

  13. Oh Tome, I was just about to post a happy post about my pally but now I’m wondering in case the vengeful fates give me a snake.
    I’m scared silly of them but also love bushwalking; the two are almost incompatible and see me out on tracks alternatively stomping along really loud (to scare them away) and tiptoeing along (so they don’t know I’m there). I’m sure I look like an idiot. My morning walk takes me through a piece of bush and at the merest rustle in the grass I I hightail it out of there as fast as I can.
    If one was in my house I wouldn’t know what to do. You are super brave for approaching with a bin lid :)

    • Since the snake is still in the basement I think you’re safe to post a happy post, it won’t see!

      That is funny, I think I’d be going the loud stompy route so they’d hear me.

      I don’t know what came over me to get that close with the lid. I think it was desperation. I was so afraid of leaving it in the house with the dogs, lol. At least while I was away I felt good thinking it was still under there.

  14. I’m terrified of Spiders..Like if I see a daddy long legs in the house I scream like a little girl, jump on a chair and start screaming for my hubby to come dispose of it! My step-daughter reacts the same way. The hubby came up one time to find us both standing on the couch.

    Snakes, well we have 4 as pets right now and 2 are 6 foot long. Saw a snake on the concrete outside the sliding glass door once and had to double check it wasn’t one of ours!

    So I understand your fear of snakes…it’s how I feel about spiders.

    And why do our husbands find our fears amusing?
    My hubby is always, “Spiders are good. They eat insects. Don’t see any insects in the house do you?” So I reply, “Yeah well if you don’t kill the spider you wont see any husbands in the house either!”

    • At least we can be happy we don’t have fear of snakes AND spiders, lol. Thankfully it’s either or.

      And I know, he always lectures me on how snakes are a good thing to have around as though it’s going to make ANY difference. Logic can not help!

  15. I’m definitely with you on being afraid of snakes, live snakes, dead snakes and just snakes as a species – I’ve live across the pond a few times in my life and there are snakes there that kind of kill you real fast – bushmasters. Hehe, nope, not going there because I won’t be able to sleep – I hate snakes.

    • I know! And even the name Bushmaster sounds so deadly, I’m even afraid of the name, lol. I used to live in South Africa where the dreaded Boomslang lived. Again, never saw one but was terrified just from the name.

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