IRL Questing …

irlquestSo yeah … there are those times that real life seems awfully similiar to what happens in Azeroth. There is an objective you want to attain and sometimes … maybe because you choose an unorthodox method to accomplish it … it takes some planning. The last time I tried completing an IRL quest I failed miserably.

Over on this side I have fubared my right arm from shoulder to wrist. I kept blaming it on the amount of time I spend on my computer. I don’t know why I was so blind. I guess if you do something EVERY DAY for ten years with no ill effects you don’t think that’s the problem … well it was.

For ten years I have had ninety pounds of enraged dog with six feet of momentum launching himself at any perceived danger. His attack (not really an attack, he’s just trying to scare the scary thing) comes to an abrupt end … at the end of my right arm. I did not catch on until I started using my left arm and began having the same symptoms.

EUREKA! Perhaps arms are not designed to be the equivalent of the device that stops jets when landing on aircraft carriers. Who knew!

umbrellaI have sympathy for him, I mean people carrying umbrellas is some scary shit. ANYONE approaching from behind … I know! Who likes that. So anyway, my husband said, I must stop walking him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA … in fairness to him I think he thought he should say it … you know, cause it’s the sensible thing to do. It’s not like he really thought I’d do it.

So here’s the really cool thing. My husband, who won’t enter Azeroth, unknowingly embarked on an IRL quest. He disappeared and when he returned he said he had the problem solved!  He found a belt that was made specifically to attach a dog to … HANDS FREE dog walking!

Yeah … so I’m thinking this is either really sweet … or he’s trying to get me ripped in half … I’m not sure which.

As it turns out, my entire body has a lot more stopping power than my arm. My husband aced the quest.

But … it’s winter, it’s been REALLY cold which means using my SERIOUS winter coat … the big puffy down one. Yeah, that’s what I look like up there. A marshmallow with a rubber band in the middle. Cars are slowing as they pass, people staring out the windows in wonder. LOOK! LOOK! Mommy, it’s a monster!

I certainly hope my dog appreciates that I’m impersonating movie monsters to make sure he gets his walk.

I shouldn’t complain. Arm can recover. Dog can walk. Quest completed! 100 Tokens of Dog Walk Awarded and a Sack of Expired Pet Food. Not a bad day’s walk’s work.

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17 Responses to “IRL Questing …”

  1. Oh no, I hope your arms recover quickly. That would be a sight to see, a RL marshmallow woman walking a dog! Maybe you should have photoshopped your eyes again to make it more believable LOL

  2. Hope your arm gets better! Wish I had known about the belt leash when I had my big dog. She used to drag me around the park, but at least in the winter I could put on skates.

    So…did your husband get any good loot from that quest? :D

  3. Is there anything that Cesar Romero, er…no, not the original Joker…um…Cesar Millan can do? Does he have any tips for teaching a dog to heel? I know I am bordering into finger wagging territory, but this could actually get serious (not that your shoulder isn’t serious, because, yeah). We had an Australian Shepherd (RIP Sammie) and walking her with toddlers/stroller meant she had to be trained, so I took her to doggy school. Be careful out there, Tome, this is some serioius questing shit!

  4. haha … I had a similar problem with my arm .. took me ages to work it out, and I ended up going to physio for a while for it .. turned out it was not walking dogs, but kids that did it. At the time I regularly walked a toddler to and from nursery and he regularly used to trip up .. so my choice was either let go, or get my arm yanked out of its socket. I chose the latter, but it took a loooong time to recover :p

    I did think you were going to end you story with your hubby volunteering to walk the dog … impressed that he managed to find another solution!

    • I can see where a toddler would do the trick too. My daughter used to do that “become a limp sack of potatoes” thing when she didn’t want to move along, lol. I had a small tear in the rotator cuff once and that thing took over a year to get better.

      My husband has to walk our little girl dog who is really psycho. I think these two are payback from years of having low key uncomplicated dogs but we love them!

  5. Glad you discovered what was causing the problem and you’re on the road to recovery.

    I went through the similar thing with my little dog (14 lb miniature poodle) that thought it was great fun to launch herself off the front porch at such a speed that it broke the sound barrier a few times as my scream of pain echoed through the neighborhood. Squirrels are monsters and must be chased as much as possible to make your home safe.

    Take it easy and be sure to use the new leash that you have. It will take several months for your arm(s) to heal up completely.

    • Thank you! I was a little hesitant at first as I KNEW I’d look like a giant marshmallow but now I don’t care. Luckily he’s fine with squirrels or cats. There’s also a man in the neighborhood who drives a bright orange motor scooter to exercise his dog. My dog is too stunned by it to even bother leaping, lol.

  6. Oh man do I know how you feel. I have two year old 70lb British lab that use to drag me around my neighborhood. I got him a “gentle leader” which is a collar that goes around the neck and muzzle and it’s like night and day. At first Smokey (my dog) didn’t like it, but after a few walks with treats for good behavior it’s just amazing. I would definitely recommend it to anyone with any dog.

    • That sounds like a plan for our little girl. My husband walks her because she pulls like a freight train and because he’s her favorite. She weighs about 15lbs less than my boy but in pulling power she’s unequaled!

  7. Weird, I thought I’d posted a comment.

    Anyway, hope you get better. Don’t want you to turn into the StayPuff Marshmallow Man, either…. ;-)

  8. Like the other people, I wish you well – soonest. I’ve never had the problem as when we had our hyperactive border collie we lived on a small farm. Now we have 12lbs of Cavalier spaniel so…
    All the best.

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