Ask The Ancient — Males in Peril

I hadn’t planned on an “Ask the Ancient” at a momentous time like this. We’re on the verge of entering a new world for the first time but considering the gravity of the situation, it must be done.

I was totally unaware that a situation even existed, but exist it must. Search terms do not lie. I speak of embarrassing male deaths. Really? Is this happening? I’m sure I had no hand in it. But I decided to look into it, maybe I could find a clue to what might be causing it.

scary as hell ponies? No, I don’t see how those would be dangerous, or embarrassing, moving on. Okay, now I do see a pattern emerging. Hmmm,  phosphorescent underwear, I don’t know, what kind of chemicals would they use to make them? Could cause a rash I suppose. Could they ignite? Spontaneous combustion? Just saying.

Oh, here we go, my husband likes to be nude. Yes, what can you do. Those males like to get up to silly hijinks like that. Well seriously, that’s why you have to love them. And most popular nude accident. Popular?

Okay, as far as I can make out there must have been a bad shipment of phosphorescent underwear that human males wore while riding hell ponies. They must have spontaneously combusted, leaving them nude and somewhat singed at the very least, which would be a nude accident for sure. There, I solved the mystery. Human males! Stay away from those sparkly undies! Very dangerous! Go au naturel to be safe, avert disaster! We don’t want to lose you! And stay away from hell ponies too, just in case.

Whew, there. Duty done. WHAT? You expected something that made sense TODAY? Oh please, not happening. Not even a chance. Anyway, search terms don’t lie. Be careful out there.