Nothing Ain’t Ever Easy

Yeah, I checked and it doesn’t seem to be a song title but it should be. Sweet Elune! I can only assume this is a further test of our WoW prowess in preparation for Warlords and I failed miserably. All I wanted to do was send an email but I just wasn’t quick enough. I wasn’t fast enough to accept quests either.

The only upside was if a mob was killing you and you were losing … not a problem … he’ll be gone in a minute! All I wanted to do was become a Drunken Fish with Matty.

Oddly zones weren’t cycling back and forth in Stormwind so my Maleman (hehehe) was able to successfully use the mail box. Poor Lupelina, let’s hope some day she makes it out of Duskhaven.

Flipping the Bird

Yeah … Cim tried Yikkan Izu a couple more times with the same result … splat. Look at him, just take a look at that so called Yikkan Izu. Yeah, I didn’t just fall off of the turnip truck. I’ve been to a few dances. THAT IS ANZU, I don’t care what kind of an alias he’s going around with these days, that is Anzu. I feel there may be some karmic justice at play here. I don’t suppose it has ANYTHING at all to do with the fact that we killed him 160ish times for a mount. I smell a rat.

A thought occurred to me … probably cause it’s tax time and preparing taxes has the same effect on me as tests do. I mean I’m not even DOING the taxes it’s just the forms for my cousin the accountant and I still freak out. This cartoon is me. Tests make me incredibly obtuse and nervous and I realized I behaved much the same way when I play.

The last attempt on that bird I was spamming Fel Flame while on the move … nothing was happening. OMG! Don’t tell me I need to replace my keyboard now, what the hell is the … oh. When I calmed down I realized that in the heat of the moment I apparently forget what keys are what, all knowledge drains right out and is replaced with hysteria. I had been spamming my minion’s attack key. Yeah … really, what must he have thought. Surprised he didn’t call me on that.

After years of test taking I finally realized that yes, when I first look at the questions they make no sense. I don’t know WHAT THE HELL they’re taking about. I learned to calmly look through all of the questions until one made sense. I then went back and found that now so did the ones that had been written in Sanskrit previously. Commence the test taking!

I have to figure out a WoW version of this. I haven’t yet but I’m hopeful. There must be an Azeroth equivalent. On my list of things to try is the “get snockered until I don’t even give a rat’s ass” approach but even if it’s successful it’s not really an approach I can endorse. I seem to get so worked up I can’t FIND his little flock of birdies. If any of you educators know a WoW method of overcoming test anxiety let me know. I’m all ears. I’ll hold on the snockering.

And oh, I must thank Matty. She recommended Ready Player One and I really enjoyed it. Okay, enough stalling. I have to go put my snow boots on and trudge through YET ANOTHER snowfall with the dogs. The only good thing about it is there’s unlikely to be a test so I  don’t have to get snockered first.

Unfair!

I know … and on top of that, the pretty one also got the brains so she gets to just hang out in Orgrimmar and manage the finances for everyone. No fighting bad guys … no icky deaths … takes breaks to go pick up a Caffè Marocchino to sip while she stands in the AH. So unfair.

Cim’s not too happy. She decided to work on Collect Your Deck and was horrified on finding out that Paper-Covered Rock is a chance drop from harvesting … crops. Warlocks don’t do farming … just no. They DO NOT dig in the dirt like a common laborer. I think she’s calling down a farm minion right there. I TOLD her it won’t work, she has to plant the crops and harvest them HERSELF. I’m afraid to even tell her about the Archeology one. So unfair. She’s livid.

So yeah, the whole Proving Grounds silver brouhaha thing. I am completely unqualified to have an opinion. That’s right, I DO NOT HAVE A PERKY PUG! There, it’s out. I don’t queue for anything random unless someone is with me and wants me to. And then it’s their responsibility to entertain me while we wait the looooonnnnngggggg time a daytime queue takes. Yes, as much as I love dogs I won’t face the long wait to get into anything.

I find that after I’ve waited a half an hour or so I’m now doing something I would rather do and then drop. I’m not a very patient person. The only daytime queues that seem to be a little faster are the low level instances at around 30 minutes or so.

My entire experience with bad players would be holiday and world bosses. There have been many, I have wondered … I mean REALLY … if an actual human being were behind the computer. Maybe they stepped away and their cat jumped on the keyboard as the queue popped.

It doesn’t bother me as long as they’re nice or as in most cases say nothing negative. I think they need an asshatometer, knowing whether you’re good at playing your character doesn’t matter as much to me as knowing whether you’re going to be abusive to everyone while playing your character well.

I think it’s nice that they are attempting to make things better for those who do random heroics, although I think the asshatometer would work better, but that’s just me.

I hate to be negative but … proving grounds … just a teeny tiny bit … tedious. It was great for using to learn a new spec but they’re just … well … boring. I think if you restarted at the level where you failed I could face going back. I WANT to go back but every time I think about wading through all the levels to get where I left off … nope, rather do something else.

I guess I thought they’d be more like the Brawler’s Guild fights. I get my butt kicked all the time but keep going back because they’re fun. I’m pretty sure I read that this would not be required on the existing proving grounds but a new and hopefully improved version of proving grounds.

Who knows what shall come to pass, in the meantime I’ll have to give the proving grounds another go. You guys better watch out. As soon as my left-handed sideways mouse* gets here you’re going down … maybe … if I don’t get distracted … which … yeah, on second thought maybe you boring proving ground guys are safe.

I know! I love these people! They made a left-handed vertical mouse! Lefties rejoice!

Jazz Hands, Ow! Ow! Ow! Flying First Class

What? You didn’t believe me when I said I was going to teach my dog jazz hands during maintenance? He’s a real quick study but he kept getting interfered with so it ended coming out more like the Vulcan Salute. Which is great … don’t get me wrong but we’re going to have to keep working on those jazz hands.

On the other … hand, this move he’s totally got down. What should be obvious from the rather haphazard title is … I’ve got time on my hands and in an effort to fill it I’m just rambling away because …

THIRD DAY IN A ROW OF MAINTENANCE! OW! OW! OW! Okay, yesterday it was only two hours but today it’s a whole maintenance! So yeah … rambling.

Let’s see … I know! Most people have probably already experienced this but for me it was a first! Cim the Warlock was standing there trying to decide if she was up to, once again, failing to get …

You know I’m trying to type and that guy there is really distracting, I may need to put a post-it over him until I scroll past him.

Anyway, Cat wants a Big Love Rocket but wants Cim to get it for her. I guess she’s busy doing something. So Cim’s considering queuing for The Crown Chemical Co. when she hears from Neo of OLRG fame. He’s famous with the old ladies because I swear he could calmly talk us through downing Garrosh with like 8 under-geared people and their battle pets. He’s that good.

So yeah, we grouped and then OMG! We’re in Shadowfang Keep! I got my first EVER insta-queue! I felt like I’d just been bumped to first class! Thank you Neo Tank! She didn’t even mind not getting a rocket. Best queue ever.

So hmm … yes, just checked realm status again … they really are maintaining … they weren’t kidding. Okay then, what else.

Blogging, I’ve become lazy again. What happens is I get up, feed the dogs, make coffee, turn on the news. Then the dogs get on the couch and sleep and I start reading blogs on my iPad. I kinda listen to the news expecting the cocktail party effect to alert me if anything in the news is remotely important to me.

The problem is I’ve stopped commenting on the iPad because of the ridiculous things it would say, it was always correcting me. So now when I come up here I’m under the impression that I DID comment because I remember thinking what I would say … when I got up here … so in my mind I have already said it … but didn’t. Yeah. Must stop that.

And while on the topic of blogs you should always trust ANYTHING Euphyley says about rare or sought after beasties. I was bemoaning the fact on Twitter that I would probably never see the Reins of the Onyxian Drake and Euphyley told me the technique was to seriously threaten Onyxia before engaging. Yeah, it works …

The REASON Cim HAD to have this Drake was it matched her new outfit. Geez. Yeah, Cim’s a little vain. I’m not sure how that’s possible but so far it’s only Cim who truly cares what she looks like. Cat and Sasche will fiddle around and throw on something from their bank but Cim even needs her mount to match. I don’t know what that’s about.

She could even get a better weapon according to Mr. Robot but she won’t do it because it’s not a staff and it would ruin her look.

realm status …

Oh come on, it could too end two hours early. Nope, not today.

Oh, so that’s where Cat was! She read about the Censer of Eternal Agony at Bubbles of Mischief and wanted the achievement but HATES PvP. She tends to stand there while she’s being killed thinking OMG OMG A REAL PERSON IS TRYING TO KILL … and then she’s dead.

So she used the censer and then immediately jumped off the cliff in fear for her life and then died a dignified death by drowning. Much better.

Two more hours. Okay, it’s almost lunch time. Maybe I can prepare some complicated two hours in the preparation dining experience for me and the dogs. Maybe I should make some ginger snaps cookies … maybe … no … NEVER DUST BUNNIES! THE DUST BUNNIES WILL LIVE ANOTHER DAY!

The Draenei Effect and Mistaken Identity

I only have one Draenei and since I became disenchanted with Enhancement she hasn’t seen much action until recently. She stumbled to 90 for professions and then just sat. Now that she’s trying out Elemental she’s out and about again.

What I’m wondering … is this a thing? Is there really some sort of Draenei Effect going on here? She’s on the Timeless Isle and she can’t take three steps before someone’s trying to “help” her. Seriously, she was underwater trying to kill a crab and down swims a male Draenei to assist her, what is going on here?

I thought it might be the pathetic way she yelps when things are hitting her while she tries to cast but I don’t know … could that Draenei hear her from the shore?

She’s not dressed provocatively; she’s wearing Timeless Isle superstore gear. No one else gets all this help, just curious if you Draenei out there notice this or does old Lok have some kind of super power. I don’t know, maybe it’s her pigtails.
And while we’re talking about “help,” I get a lot of requests for it. I get the “slam a window open in someone’s face while they’re fighting something” mostly. Do you not realize that’s like sitting down to dinner and having a telemarketer interrupt you? It’s not likely to get you any help. At least from me. I like to get kissed before … well … it’s just not good manners.

So anyway, on the Timeless Isle I also get whispers for help. Fine, if you TALK to me I will more than likely help. On two occasions that I can remember it quickly became apparent that I was assumed to be male. Why? Because almost immediately I was made aware that they were female.

And then I was told, “Oooohhhhh … you’re so good at this … oh, can I have that? Oh, you really know how to plaaaayyy …

Yes … I’m bad. I don’t ever fess up. I’m ROTFLMAO while this person runs merrily around screaming for help as they run willy-nilly about aggroing everything in sight. They occasionally stroke my ego again and ask for anything that drops and a few times have asked me to buy them things.

I may be too sheltered but I’ve never encountered a female that acts like that … ever. It’s just too over the top. THEY CAN’T POSSIBLY BE FEMALE. Oh yeah … I’m thinking male … trying to take advantage of some other male … that’s actually a female. Only in an MMO.

I’m somewhat of a disappointment to them as I’ll help or tell them how to do/get something but no, no showering with gifts even if they ARE a sexy Draenei.

You know, you people out there looking for help? It may not be a guy, it may be something else that responds to pathetic cries for help … a MOMMY.

Yep … that dude … HAHAHAHAHA … it’s a mommy.

Okay … hours to go before maintenance is finished … dust bunny cleanup? Work? Groceries? No, I’ll do something REALLY important. I’ll teach my dog to do jazz hands!

When the Cat’s Away …

Apparently the Pandaren will play. I’m beginning to question the wisdom of creating all these alts. I can’t keep track of all of them 24/7. Now I had emphatically stated that there WOULD BE NO making of Geosynchronous World Spinners at this time. I told Liwu the Engineer that we needed to be MAKING money not spending it and we were doing a poor job of that as it was.

Liwu we need to MAKE money right now, not spend it on three Orbs of Mystery … just NO. I thought we were clear but when I was busy with Cim trying to defeat the Brawler’s Guild bosses APPARENTLY there was some funny business going on behind my back. I don’t know who all was in on it and Liwu’s not talking.

And yeah … she’s trolling me. Of ALL the places she could have stopped to show off she lands by Sele’na, a FISHMAN who has rain drops, the very thing that had been stumping Cim in Brawler’s Guild. Coincidence? I think not.

What do you mean, what really happened? I TOLD you Liwu …

Oh alright … okay. I’ll stop blaming my characters and take the blame … this once.

I was researching the mats for the Geosynchronous World Spinner seeing what it would cost as SOME day a few expansions from now I’d like to get Mount Parade. The big ticket items for this are the three Orbs of Mystery. When reading the comments I saw people talking about using these to take more money with them when transferring servers to get around the gold limit. Kind of a money laundering scheme.

Cool, let’s see if any recent immigrant to our fair shores is laundering money!

YES! Yes indeed they are!

With rep they would have cost 54,000 gold at 18,000 a piece. Here they are listed at 14,000 a piece! A mere 42,000!

I would be SAVING 12,000 GOLD! See how that works? Like the good little consumer I was raised to be I saw the SAVINGS blinking in flashing lights … not the whole … 42,000 gold … chump.

So yeah … it was me who did it … but the trolling with the fishman?

TOTALLY LIWU.

For Those Once Stuck: Redemption

Mommy, this isn’t even fun for me anymore … I’m stuck. I know, I know. I take every chance I get to feature my dog. Happily he made it out of the snow this morning AND Cimmeria made it out of Brawlers Guild Level 5.

I just wanted to thank everyone who gave encouragement and advice. To Lyss, thank you for reminding me that talents are not written in stone and they can be changed. To Cain and Erinys, thank you for telling Cim to get off her butt and move. She ran like the wind once I threatened to dress her in this again.

Proboskus down, she continued on and took out those Leper Gnomes. Level 6! Yay Cim!

Okay, she gave two trys to Yikkan Izu and realized she’ll have to study up on him but being stuck at Level 6 is preferable to being stuck on … rain drops. Thank you for all that good advice!

Matty’s Valentine Message

Matty posted a writing prompt for Valentine week. I don’t know if I’ll get five done but I thought I should at least write one for Cat.

As Valentine’s Day nears I wanted to take a moment to let you know you are by far my favorite … er … Elfcat. You’re sweet and kind. For example I think it’s wonderful that you offered to make Lokkan the former Enhancement now Elemental Shaman a nice belt and pants. I think it will go a long way to making her feel loved.

By the way, how is that going? Cat? CAT! THAT IS AN IRRIGATION SYSTEM, NOT A TOY! Would you listen a minute.

No, I’m not mad. No, I’m not but just stop playing for a minute and listen. Have you finished Lokkan’s armor? Okay, that’s great that you sent her the belt, what about the pants. They’re really important. Remember those little pink birds on the Isle? Well, they’re kicking her butt.

No it’s NOT funny, I remember you getting … okay … but it’s not nice to laugh at other character’s misfortunes.

Cat, could you just please for a moment be a Night Elf, I think we’ll make more headway.

Okay, five what? You have only five Hardened Magnificent Hides? You need 28 of those, what have you been doing? If you’re not going to go out and farm leather you have to plant crops on your farm. It’s not a toy. It’s for planting crops.

What? Well that’s very considerate of you, I’m sure it would upset the others if you got a Burden of Eternity while farming turtles since they need them and you don’t but then you must use the farm. OKAY? No more playing with the water and bug sprayer. Right? Okay, good.

I hope all your kitty dreams come true and that Jarel Moor takes you out for a nice Valentine’s dinner.

I have a present for you too, LOOK! Dahakha has a blog you can read!

❤

XXXOOOXXX

The Hound of Heinous Intent

The hound is telling me to quit. Call it a day. Move on. You suck. Go clean dust bunnies. Right now I kind of agree with it. Sigh …

I guess I’ll have to write this post as I don’t seem to be able to move past it. I was brought up on, “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.” Yeah … I guess my Mother followed the Disney Method of Child-rearing cause I’m pretty sure Thumper in the movie Bambi said that.

I really hate to whine and that’s what I’m doing. And I’m angry which is preferable to depressed so I’ve got to keep the anger going. The risk there through is that I’ll descend into my angry talk which is pretty much an effing every other effing word.

Blizzard did nothing wrong, Blizzard did things right and that’s the problem. Years ago I finally realized that I was not going to find a guild of retirees and night shift workers that were a merry band who raided between 10am and 4pm eastern time weekdays on my server.

I would have to find other ways to entertain myself. Okay. Things were going smoothly until Blizzard added what I had always wanted. Solo content. Something I could do in the lonely hours of … well … daytime.

So I remembered that Cim had stopped the Brawler’s Guild fights around level five or six. They were fun, I thought I’d go back. I had been stuck on that big stupid Marsh Walker thing Proboskus.

I’m still stuck on that effing stupid thing. I can’t avoid the rain drops. I’ve tried. There is no lag. Although I dress like a street person and drive a 13 year old car my COMPUTER is very, very nice. It’s not my computer. It’s effing ME.

When my mind registers those rain drops enough to attempt to move me I’m now already effing dead. Icy Veins says, “you need to position your camera above you and zoom out as much as you can. This way, you will easily see the water drops.”

Yes, I did that. Yes I can see them, I can see them EFFING KILLING ME. Over and over. It’s me. Whatever reflexes I ever had have atrophied to the point of nonexistence. While I can manage to interrupt Torrent I CAN’T AVOID THE EFFING RAIN DROPS.

I tried standing in the stupid thing’s crotch thinking maybe he wouldn’t be stupid enough to throw rain drops on himself. Nope. Dead again.

It occurs to me that if I keep trying sooner or later I may just accidentally stand in a spot that no water drops on. Oh, it COULD happen. People win the stupid lottery, it’s possible and it’s my only hope. I’m just not up to it yet.

I didn’t even want to login I was so upset. I decided to do stuff irl. Okay, I’m always jealous of these bloggers who can write poetry. I’ll try a haiku. See, I don’t need you WoW. I can entertain myself over here. I wrote a haiku about my dog that made me cry. Really. Apparently poetry also involves reflexes cause I SCREWED THAT UP TOO.

So in a very mature fashion I have deflected the blame from myself and directed it at Cim. She’s being punished.

I sent her to dinosaur island and told her she can return when she either decides she’s ready to overcome a stupid Marsh Walker or she collects 9999 dinosaur bones. It seems that’s all she can handle, because HER REFLEXES SUCK.

So anyway … you all have fun. Enjoy Warlords. Wish I could join you but it looks like I’ll be stuck here in Pandaria trying to AVOID STUPID EFFING RAIN DROPS FOR ALL ETERNITY … because my Cim’s reflexes suck.

A family friend used to always say something to the effect of getting old is not for sissies. We used to titter and giggle and roll our eyes behind his back. Not THAT again. I apologize. He was right. Had I paid heed to his warning maybe I could have found a way to turn off my exp. It’s too late now. I should have listened.

Illustrated Guide to a Free Burden of Eternity and Stuff

So yeah, I always think if I know something EVERYONE must know it already but reading chat on the Timeless Isle I realized that in fact everyone didn’t know this. So while I know YOU know it, someone else might not, so this is for them.

Yes, my Enhancement Shaman lately turned Elemental thought it was time to visit the Timeless Isle. I told her it’s a rough place in iLevel 493 with a handler who is just learning Elemental. Lokkan didn’t care. I thought I’d try to make her look tougher so I mogged her a board with a giant nail poking out of it. There … that should intimidate anyone she comes across. Off we went.

Right off the bat it went like this.

Lokkan 0 Pink Flamingo 1

Okay, maybe some better gear might help. There is a free Burden of Eternity in a chest where it says sneak over here:

It just takes a little work. If you’re a sneaky Rogue or Druid or a Hunter who can use Camouflage it’s no big deal but if you aren’t sneaky here’s the method my non-sneaky classes use.

First, kill Ancient Spineclaws. Yeah, you can imagine how well that went for her but if you persevere with luck you’ll soon have the most wonderful drop on the Isle. Scuttler’s Shell. This is a wondrous addition to any wardrobe. See Bufo but there are a gazillion frogs between you and his location? Not a problem, just don your shell and walk through them. But I digress. Now that you have your Scuttler’s Shell go visit Ku-Mo and purchase his Golden Glider.

Now fully armed you can do damage to a passing Highwind Albatross to hitch a ride. If you’re a pet class it’s best to dismiss your pet or he might get the ride instead of you.

Enjoy your flight … yeah, really not that enjoyable being hung by your hair high over the ground but you’ll get your revenge. When you reach the lake shown on the map, kill the bird to drop. Just don’t drop on Garnia if he’s up. Could end badly.

Most important step, put on your shell. Jump and use your glider. I always jump here and have the tower stop me so I can pick up eggs. Then walk around and jump down into the water. After that you just sneak around to the location of the chest. The horrible bad guys won’t see you as long as you don’t run into them.

And YAY! She got two chests and a free Burden of Eternity which she used on a chest and now she’s a high and mighty iLevel 496. Okay, maybe not so mighty but now she’s no longer a pushover for those damn pink birds. We might learn this elemental thing yet!