The Celestial Tournament or My Garrosh Heirlooms

Scott Andrews at WoW Insider wrote Who is The Celestial Tournament for? For me and those like me and obviously anyone who finds joy pet battling and collecting them. But first let’s talk about me, me, me.

I didn’t think I’d like pet battles at all but I’m so happy I did. I’d be living in Tatooine unsubscribed to WoW by now without battle pets.

I find myself in love with a world that was not meant for me. I am here on the sufferance of Blizzard and oh, because I pay them, but I don’t belong. Many years ago when I was an idiot kid I beat the crap out of my spine. I defy anyone to try to get across to a teenager that they are only getting this one body and they should treat it with care. The bill has come due, there are consequences.

So here I, and I’m sure others are in a world not meant for those of slow reflexes, shaky hands, poor eyesight … the list goes on. I would never inflict myself on people seriously trying to raid, it wouldn’t be fair. So no fancy gear for me. No soloing Warbringers, no Garrosh heirlooms … blah, blah blah.

I’m a grownup playing a game so for the most part I’m okay with that. I make up my own challenges, I enjoy the world. But the Celestial Tournament IS my Garrosh kill. Finally something for ME ME ME!

All it took was leveling the correct pets and … thinking. My fingers do not have to fly swiftly and accurately over the keys. So all I need is a tolerance for grinds, a tolerance of RNG, research and thinking. DAMN, here’s something I can excel at without the need to hit the correct key quickly.

And I have to disagree with Mr. Andrews as I rolled up at the tournament the first time with probably upwards of one hundred pets and got my ass handed to me. You don’t need a lot, just the right ones.

Admittedly there are those stressful moments of the pet battling life. I can’t tell you how long it sometimes takes to accurately click on those damn caffeine-addled, jumpy Marsh Fiddlers when out leveling but time is on my side. I don’t have to do it quickly.

So yeah … inadvertently or not … Blizzard has created my final boss of the expansion.  The Celestial Tournament.

Chi-Chi, Xu-Fu, Yu’la and Zao are my Garrosh heirlooms.

I’m outta here, Cat and I have important things to do like obstruct the mailbox with a giant Chi-Chi.

Hopefully they’ll keep them coming. I would so love to beat up Kargath Bladefist’s little pet Fluffy. Bring it, Kargath … bring it. I don’t need no stinking reflexes for that.

 

 

 

An Old Ladies Raiding Guild Thriller

Every once in a while something strikes me as incredibly, awesomely funny. I remember once when my husband and I were first married we were watching David Letterman one night and the guest asked if he had a dog.

He replied that he indeed did have a dog but it was old. So old in fact that it fell when he rode it. Yes, Letterman told it better, so much so that I could not stop laughing hysterically. I couldn’t stand up, I rolled around on the floor for a while. I’m sure my husband must have thought, shit, what have I gotten into here.

It might have been Letterman’s deadpan delivery … I don’t know. It became a part of our family dialect. I remember telling my husband that our one dog needed a “senior” checkup now and he agreed saying, I know, he falls when I ride him. I still crack up.

For whatever reason words create movies in my head.

So yeah … a little background for you. I’m apt to crack up inappropriately at times.

So last night Matty’s OLRG met once again to conquer the bad guys and strip them of their clothes and valuables. Off we went to The Throne of Four Winds. We were trying for a few achievements. When we got to Stay Chill it wasn’t working so we wiped the first attempt and there ensued a strategy meeting.

I’m usually pretty quiet so it must have been a surprise when I started laughing hysterically. Poor Breige said … I’m paraphrasing … Do the dead really matter? I just lost it.

I knew what she meant but for some reason a huge glowing book cover appeared in my mind. There was champagne, reporters, it was a book launch!

The first installment of “An Old Ladies Raiding Guild Thriller” series. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Shit I can’t stop, turn off the mic. They’ll twig to the fact that you’re a nut.

“Do the Dead Really Matter” is a book, a thriller. Somebody needs to write it.

So there’s that. I won’t even go into the time I laughed so hard I had to try to escape a Mall without anyone detecting that I had split the seam in the back of my pants out completely.

Oh and yeah, dead people do matter so the next attempt we all stayed alive and got it.

 

 

 

Traveling with Cat

So I got kinda tired of being beaten up so I thought I’d see what Cat’s doing. She’s pretty low maintenance. No beating up Warlocks with black belts in warlockery for her. In fact she really doesn’t like to kill anything. She pretty much only believes in self-defense, so yeah, low maintenance.

Her mission seems to be to level all the battle pets. She has a morning route. She visits Farmer Nishi and Seeker Zusshi first thing in the morning to level higher level pets. She then hits up Outlands for leveling lower and mid level pets. I asked her what her criteria are for selecting a tamer to put on the route.

Yeah Cat, how do you pick them? Is it just random? For example what’s so special about Narrok in Nagrand?

Crickets.

What? Is that some special battle pet terminology? Crickets?

No, I go to Nagrand to hear the crickets … while I battle … I don’t know, it’s just nice.

I see, okay, so you’re visiting tamers in places you like to visit. Not for their pet battling mojo, I got it.

Her other important business to try to complete before WoD is completing the Seat of Knowledge. She’s been stalled at three left for forever. And I think she’s done more killing doing this then the whole expansion put together. Seem like every dig site has a rare plunked right in the middle of it. So poor Cat is forced to kill it. She is such a pacifist.

There she is trying to wrap up her other “must have before WoD.” Red fish, blue fish. Yeah, she’s looking bored. Maybe she’d make better headway if she’d use the fishing pole instead of trying to swipe them out of the water with her paws. Many, many fish but no luck yet.

I had thought that Cim and Sasche the Warlocks were the ones with an impossible mission but on reflection I’m not liking Cat’s odds much better.

What? Oh … alright … I’m coming. Jeez, Cat wants to go digging. Just between you and me the “fun” of archeology is wearing thin. If I dig up one more Pearl of Yu’lon I swear I’m going to barf.

What’s that? Yes, I’m coming. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather fish?

Hotel Hell has Exorbitant Rates

Seriously? Seriously??? All the money I spend in repairs at that kiosk in your lobby and this is the thanks I get? Poor Sasche was beat yesterday and thought she’d spend the night in Hotel Hell. She woke up this morning to find herself in the twisting nether plunging to her death. Eighty gold a night is just too high considering the lack of amenities.

And then that Joan Tremblay is a smart ass with her “Do not seek death.”

Joan for heavens sake, I wasn’t seeking death, I was staying the night at a hotel. How dangerous could that be?

Yes, yes. I promised not to whine. I’m not here to whine, I’m here to seek help. Promise.

It FINALLY occurred to me to stop fighting Ebonlocke and wasting money until I can figure out why 80% of the time I have no pet action bar. I kind of need that Pit Lord’s help. I’ve only actually gotten to the Felhounds once. I tried /reload ui each time before the fight, doesn’t seem to make any difference. Works sometimes and not the next. Addon conflict? I don’t know.

I’m still searching the twisting netherwebs for a clue but if anyone has an idea please let me know. Sasche’s anxious to get back in there and seek death. So there Joan.

 

Personal Denial-of-Service

Up Hill Battle

I’ve been posting except they aren’t getting by the review board. When I think my post might be whiny or bitter I leave it a day and reread it. Yup, whiny and bitter.

It’s not directed at Blizzard it’s directed at me. The one high point I found in any of them was I managed to work the word churlish into one post.

So this time I’ll just leave the pictures cause I like pictures. I do find it amusing that I tried to sneak one post in by including the red herring of good news.

I’ll admit I did kind of like my idea of epic quest lines for seniors since for all we know WoW might be looking at another ten years but I was whiny so out it went.

Using the below as my motto  it looks like I’ll be saying nothing at all for a while.

The week in visual form.

 

Dirt Nose back to 100%

 

Um … where’s the exit?

 

The Halls of Never Ending Hell

 

Happiness, Autographs, Resolutions and Sid Vicious

I can’t tell you how happy it made Cat to stand there and enjoy the view. It has been many months since that’s been possible. Well, yeah it was possible but dangerous as my keyboard’s start moving/stop moving key was stuck. There was a very real possibility that she’s lurch over the edge and fall to her death while I was down the hall.

I scoured the internet for a replacement  for my no longer made keyboard. Ebay, resellers ANYTHING … alas no … it was not to be. I need THAT keyboard for my weirdo left-handed set up. Finally I searched the computer graveyard in the basement and disassembled an old Mac keyboard and found a whatzit that didn’t fit so I trimmed it and stuck it in and it works! Okay, it’s a little stiff but at least not stuck down anymore.

Cim was tired of casting her 3 second chaos bolt and at about 2.85 suddenly staggering forward and having to start all over. The Death Knight was entertaining the Timeless Island by attempting to hit stuff after jumping behind them. So we’re all happy.

So happy in fact that Cim decided to go to the Black Temple and get Mr. Ebonlocke’s autograph … that’s it. Just say hi. I had grave misgivings as I wouldn’t have OLRG members leading the way. I really doubted that she’d ever be able to find him. We have a history of getting lost.

It was just as awful as I imagined. She got horribly lost while looking for treasure. Really, really lost. Five minutes? HAHAHAHAHA! We wandered around for an hour or so. Luckily there seems to be no penalty for tardiness. She finally found her hero.

Mr. Ebonlocke I’m so honored, could I possibly get your …OW … HEY … QUIT THAT! A simple no would suffice. I didn’t know about his aversion to autographs.

Now Cim’s thinking about payback. She’s talking about macros and changing her talents … yada, yada, yada. Maybe I can distract her with finishing up the Brawler’s Guild instead.

Which brings me to resolutions. I’ve been pretty easy on myself. We’ve been doing archaeology, leveling pets, hunting those rare mounts. The ONLY thing I said MUST be done is get our gold at least back to the amount we entered MoP with.

We haven’t, so the prospect of spending thousands of gold on repairs for Cim’s grudge isn’t something I’m that anxious to indulge. She’ll get over it.

Cat has been hanging out at the AH jonesing for a new pet. There are a few she’s had an eye on but I told her NOT until we have the gold we came here with.

She’s been saved by the fact that the ones she wants are crazy expensive or just not up for sale so she’s been trying to catch a Tiny Red Carp instead poor thing, with no luck.

She logged in to find she had mail. Mail from Helke! Oh my oh my oh my! I have Helke mail! And it’s a Viscous Horror! He’s so wonderful! He’s adorable! I love him!

Okay Cat, I know you love him but don’t forget to say thank you to Helke.

Thank you Helke! Thank you!

What’s his name Cat? Have you named him yet?

I’m thinking … I don’t want to call him Viscous Helke cause she’s not. I know! I’ll call him Sid Viscous!

Excellent!

I left Cat in the Valley of Four Winds leveling Sid and I can’t seem to locate Cim. Please oh please tell me she’s not researching the Kanrethad Ebonlocke fight. If she is she better start sewing some bags to sell to pay for her repairs. Naw … what are the odds she’d ever find him again.

I was afraid this would happen …

Hey! Hey! Don’t you turn your back on me … you … you … big flying BUTTHEAD! I’m talking to you here!

Cim, come on. Calm down, it’s not your fault … it’s mine. I was afraid of this. I watched videos, read guides but at the end of the day it’s a vehicle fight. I can’t do them. I’m vehicularly challenged.

How to Solo Malygos in the Eye of Eternity in three easy steps. Made me almost believe but the fact remains that no matter what level I am if I have to step into a vehicle, it’s all over.

Cim made many valiant attempts. I can’t seem to avoid crap tossed at me AND hit 1,1,2,3 at the same time. The first time I tried it I couldn’t even FIND him. Vehicle fights on the ground are bad but I can almost handle the X and Y dimension but throw in a Z? This just brings back horrible flashbacks of me floundering around in Vashj’ir.

So yeah, we finally gave up. It’s not to be. Cim flounced off so Cat and I decided to give Vortex Pinnacle another go for the drake.

I don’t know, I say a lot of mean things about RNG but I think old RNG likes Cat. Maybe she should take over for Cim in the Stonecore. Hey, maybe the gods of flying vehicles like Cat too … it’s worth a try, or two, or twelve.

Hear that Malygos? Cat’s coming for you! Be afraid … okay yeah well … BE MILDLY CONCERNED!

UPDATE

Thanks so much for all the good advice! No Drake but I may now have conquered my fear of flying!

A Lifetime of RNG

I know … pathetic. Through circumstances beyond my control I am now reduced to having to show screen shots of real life. I have had to spend WAY more time irl lately than I think is even healthy. Really, enough with the freaking real life already.

As I was wandering around irl I noticed something. Areas of our neighborhood have guardrails to keep people paying too much attention to cell phones from falling a fair distance. Kind of pointless because they just go fall off where there aren’t any guardrails. I noticed that where the rail shades the grass, or rather weeds, it’s darker.

I KNOW! This is what I’ve been doing instead of playing, jeez. Anyway, on close inspection it turns out that clover must like the shade because that’s what the darker area was.

So yeah … big whoop … clover. But it IS a big deal. It brought back memories, as a child I  spent endless hours looking for that one, that elusive, FOUR LEAF CLOVER. I searched endlessly with the optimism only a seven or eight year old has. Might have even been earlier because I remember my gang and I going to the “bacon lot” to hunt them.

Two sisters who lived in the house behind me and the boy from next door and me hunting that clover. Over and over. When we got tired of riding our bikes around with playing cards clothespinned to the spokes, off we’d go, once again, clover hunting.

OMG! It was real life RNG! I’ve been trying to defeat RNG my whole life and didn’t even realize it. I was playing the RNG odds back there in the bacon lot.

I still play rl RNG every time I’m stupid enough to buy a lottery ticket. And here I thought game designers came up with it. Apparently those designers must have hunted clover too.

I have as yet still not found my four leaf clover but I do have one. My high school sweetheart gave me his. I still have it.

Okay … alright … maybe I’m practicing some revisionist history. Maybe I wheedled it out of him. Fussed and whined and begged. It’s an RNG drop … you do what you got to do.