Stuff: Buckingham Palace Guards, Movie Critics and Beta Slacker

buckguardYeah, I thought standing at a desk would be no problem. I’m standing all the time while I walk the dogs, do the laundry, pull weeds … I didn’t take into consideration that I’m moving all the time. This standing still thing is HARD. Really hard.

Poor Buckingham Palace Guards, how do they stand still for like TWO HOURS. That guy there must have just finished his shift. I am free! I can move! Jeez, I feel you buddy.

On second thought even though I sympathize with him I’m a little jealous as he probably got off duty and went to see the Warcraft movie. Stupid to be jealous though as I’m pretty sure they won’t have a “standing because you’re butt hurt area” in theaters when it releases here. So yeah, I’ll still be waiting until I can buy it.

But anyway, I’m getting off topic, what I wanted to say is what the hell is up with movie critics? Seriously? I don’t ever read movie critics cause what do I care what some stranger thinks about a movie. How does that help me? For all I know they hate the movie genre.

I don’t mean to be rude but the world’s filled with people with opinions and they are ALL DIFFERENT so why the hell would I want to trust yours.

For example, here’s a sampling of my idea of the finest movies of all time:

Blade Runner

Alien

Lord of the Rings

Serenity

The Losers

Deadpool

And I’m pretty sure Suicide Squad will be put on there after I see it.

See a trend there? Would you really want my opinion of a romantic comedy? No? You’re right, because I’m pretty sure it would be “it’s crap.” Not cause it’s really crap but it’s not mine kind of crap.

So anyway, because it’s a Warcraft movie I started reading reviews. OH MY GOD. It’s the WoW Forums, I swear these reviews are written by the same jackasses who rant and rave on the forums, I’m not kidding.

In almost all cases it’s as though they decided ahead of time that they would NOT like it. I don’t know why, maybe they hate movies based on video games although I don’t think of Warcraft as that. To me it’s about the story behind the game but whatever, they were for the most part really worthy of a ban on the forums.

I think I read three reviews that I thought were fairly considered and not obnoxious. Thank you Great Britain, Philippines and Indonesia (can’t remember their names) for having some class. And no it’s not because they all liked the movie, it’s because they didn’t feel the need to be mean.

I have one requirement of any movie I see. I want to be entertained. I don’t want to have to think, I’m not looking for deep hidden meaning, I want to escape the real world and be entertained for a few hours. That’s it. I’m positive I’ll love the Warcraft movie so I’d make a crappy reviewer cause I’m biased … even if I have to stand for two hours.

loverocket

Okay, enough righteous indignation. Back to Legion. Celwynn the Demon Hunter is … somewhat of a slacker. Instead of helpfully looking for bugs somewhere this is where I find her.

Okay, here Celwynn, straight from the horse’s mouth:

Demon hunters, disciples of Illidan Stormrage, uphold a dark legacy, one that frightens their allies and enemies alike. The Illidari embrace fel and chaotic magics—energies that have long threatened the world of Azeroth—believing them necessary to challenge the Burning Legion. Wielding the powers of demons they’ve slain, they develop demonic features that incite revulsion and dread in fellow elves.

This is who you are, I mean jeez, wielding the powers of demons. You’re supposed to frighten NOT only your enemies but your allies, get it?

Hanging out with every hot guy you see while riding a Big Love Rocket is NOT cutting it? Go forth and BE SCARY!

Sigh … I think I see the problem. I should have KNOWN a relative of Cat’s probably wouldn’t make the best Demon Hunter … my mistake.

And one more thing.

glide

I had thought double-jumping was the very, very best thing. It’s not, gliding is. I have been beta testing the hell out of that. So see? There’s that. I am at least testing SOMETHING.

 

 

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14 Responses to “Stuff: Buckingham Palace Guards, Movie Critics and Beta Slacker”

  1. Dangfool Says:

    I failed to find any images of Buckminister Guards double jumping and gliding. I’m sure the Queen rests easier at the lack of support for that “Demon Hunters among the Guards” rumor.

  2. They rock very slowly from the balls to their heels to help prevent the blood from pooling in their legs.
    I like Mark Kermode’s (BBC) review. He said he thought it would be bad but was positively surprised that he could see Duncan Jones’s thumbprints, their was a decent amount of characterisation and the strong themes.
    So that’s at least one critic that liked it. He also said it was a lot like John Carter which he didn’t like but can see how a lot of people did enjoy it.

    • Hey thanks, I’ll have to try that heels to balls of feet thing.

      And yes, Kermode’s was one of the reviews I listened to and thought was fair. Jaedia also did a fair review but now I can’t recall where. I give myself too much credit in the memory department and then get let down!

  3. On your list, I think the only one the critics didn’t like was Serenity.

    The Kotaku review was the one that was the most damaging for me, because it came from a former player.

    • They didn’t like Serenity? See, that’s just crazy talk, lol.

      I think the one that got me going was Variety’s:

      “The true conflict comes from filmmakers trying to tell a story with soul and struggling against the inherent ridiculousness of the commodity they’re working with. It shouldn’t take a mage to foresee that this pricey and preposterous adaptation of an online gaming phenomenon was preordained for artistic mediocrity.”

      First paragraph and he admits that as far as HE is concerned it was preordained to be mediocre.

  4. Very enjoyable read – I’ll see the movie when it comes out on cable because I just don’t do the crowd thing nor do I go to the cinema if I can avoid it. My spouse is physically impaired and it makes it hard to attend those sort of things.

    I’m still fumbling around in Beta after doing the same fumbling in the Alpha, however, I read the forums and try to figure out what is truly going on.

    • In all likelihood I probably won’t get to see it until it hits pay-per-view or I can buy it either.

      Sounds like me, I’m trying to experience the beta without spoiling Legion so I’m sticking to Demon Hunter and basically just exploring and getting killed by rares I find … and gliding lol.

  5. I’m with you on those reviews. I’m sure I will like it a lot more than those non-gamers. I’ve also been using the rocket mount on the beta because it’s probably the only time I’ll ever get to use it. 😛

    Sadly, I only realised a couple of days ago that I’ll have to be 110 before I can test the new pet content. =/

    • I know! Only time I’ll ever be able to ride a Love Rocket in WoW, I’m not missing that!

      You know I totally forgot to look at pets until I saw your post. Must rectify that!

  6. […] me and Tome we’re falling apart. She can’t sit, and I can’t seem to stand enough, and well, […]

  7. I am not too worried about the reviews – the easter eggs and lore alone will be enough wonder for us game fans. I am sure I will like it regardless. And maybe it will maybe make me view lore differently.

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