Ask The Ancient — None of Your Business

Well I’ve got a predicament here, it’s Tuesday and I have nothing to do. I usually have work or plan stuff to do on Tuesdays so I won’t notice server maintenance … but yeah … I screwed up today. Yes, yes, I could clean but I’m not THAT desperate so I thought I’d look through search terms that brought people here. See if I could be of any help, probably not and I wouldn’t take any advice I give that seriously but let’s give it a shot.

Oh wow, seriously people? These are all legitimate questions mostly, where’s the fun stuff? I was depending on you! Oh, alright I’ll answer your questions.

can u solo chess event

Yes, you absolutely can. If I did it anyone can do it. I’m guessing it took about 4 or 5 tries but it’s been a while. Is there a method? I’m sure there may be but I never pay attention to stuff like that so be assured, you CAN stumble in there and muck about for a while and ultimately you will succeed.

wow you are in the wrong zone

I know. You’re in the wrong zone, you can’t use that here, yada, yada, yada. I have no idea. I’m just going to blame it all on Cross Realm Servers. They are responsible for so much pain in my life that I’m sure they’re causing this too. It’s damn lucky CRZ lets me group with friends on other servers or I’d be leading a pack of pitchfork-waving, torch-carrying, maniacs to burn the stupid things down.

mists of pandaria crucible of carnage equivalent

I would say the scenario Arena of Annihilation is the Pandarian equivalent. You should do it, it’s fun and if it’s early days in your Pandarian adventure there’s a quest in there with a iLevel 450 weapon reward that might be helpful. Go there. Do that.

whats the best pet to use against a flying pet wow

Magic pets or Dragonkin. While my magic pet packs a huge punch, he’s also kind of squishy so I only use him on teams with a healer, otherwise I use a Dragon against flying pets. They are kind of my go-to guy when I want a pet that will act as my utility player. Hope that helps, but again, I wouldn’t trust my advice. If your Dragon gets pounded to dust don’t blame me, this is just what I do.

wow wild crop doesn’t work

Well it does, but only after it’s annoyed you into the seventh realm of hell. Mash the 1 button repeatedly, and mash the 2 button to interrupt the stun or whatever the stupid thing does. Keep this up until the buff thingy reaches a stack of 50 and it’s over … until the next one and the next one and the next … don’t despair, I hear that in Patch 5.2 they will occur less frequently so hang in there, help is on the way!

what i don’t do is not in your business

Woo hoo! We’re mighty touchy here aren’t we. Had a bad week? I can relate. And seriously I don’t care about whatever it is that you didn’t do, since I don’t even know you so we’re good. But, it’s the wild crop isn’t it? No … no … I don’t CARE, I’m just asking. Your farm is an uncared for tangle of wild crops and virmen? Is that what you didn’t do? OKAY! OKAY! I’m sorry, just asking, geez.

Welp, that’s it. Yeah … I know. Everyone’s all serious business, no funny stuff. Aside from various requests for various Raquel Welch body parts that’s all I got. But on the bright side I think I used up almost an hour. Only six more hours left ……………… okay, maybe I’ll clean just a little.

Ask The Ancient — Males in Peril

I hadn’t planned on an “Ask the Ancient” at a momentous time like this. We’re on the verge of entering a new world for the first time but considering the gravity of the situation, it must be done.

I was totally unaware that a situation even existed, but exist it must. Search terms do not lie. I speak of embarrassing male deaths. Really? Is this happening? I’m sure I had no hand in it. But I decided to look into it, maybe I could find a clue to what might be causing it.

scary as hell ponies? No, I don’t see how those would be dangerous, or embarrassing, moving on. Okay, now I do see a pattern emerging. Hmmm,  phosphorescent underwear, I don’t know, what kind of chemicals would they use to make them? Could cause a rash I suppose. Could they ignite? Spontaneous combustion? Just saying.

Oh, here we go, my husband likes to be nude. Yes, what can you do. Those males like to get up to silly hijinks like that. Well seriously, that’s why you have to love them. And most popular nude accident. Popular?

Okay, as far as I can make out there must have been a bad shipment of phosphorescent underwear that human males wore while riding hell ponies. They must have spontaneously combusted, leaving them nude and somewhat singed at the very least, which would be a nude accident for sure. There, I solved the mystery. Human males! Stay away from those sparkly undies! Very dangerous! Go au naturel to be safe, avert disaster! We don’t want to lose you! And stay away from hell ponies too, just in case.

Whew, there. Duty done. WHAT? You expected something that made sense TODAY? Oh please, not happening. Not even a chance. Anyway, search terms don’t lie. Be careful out there.

Ask The Ancient — Dangerous Knowledge

While Ironsally’s out hoping to get a shot of Tyrande and Malfurion practicing for their upcoming Olympic Events, I thought I’d take a look at search terms and see what’s on people’s minds. What do inquiring minds want to know?

Hmm … “a story based on little knowledge is very dengerous” … while I totally agree here, I find it odd that in all the eleventy bazillion places on the internet this could have landed them, they ended up here. Google’s algorithm has decided that THIS BLOG is where you should send someone looking for stuff based on “little knowledge.” Apparently I’m dengerous. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I don’t know whether to feel offended or dengerously roguish.

I’m not sure but I think the next one is an oxymoron. “easiest way to get vial of sands recipe.” There absolutely isn’t a way. If there is, no one has shared it with me.

You’ll spend months digging at dangerous sites to get to the skill level required to dig for Canopic Jars. You’ll hardly ever find one and when you do, there’ll just be shriveled up body parts in it. Or else you’ll discover that you have to be an alchemist to find one and you aren’t. It’s a long, painful, struggle that you’ll be lucky to escape from with your sanity intact. Off you go, you have a lot of work ahead of you. Cheers!

“where is the gnome spaceport in wow” Wow, you got me. I didn’t even know those crafty Gnomes had built one. The closest thing I can come up with is the Ironforge Airfield. I’m thinking of confounding other bloggers by searching for “speeder vendor at wow gnome spaceport” and seeing where I end up. OMG! I did it and I was the third one down, so I’m only confounding myself.

Come on! REALLY? “ancient big butt” First off, really, why would you even want to FIND that? And secondly, I DO NOT HAVE  A BIG BUTT. You’ll see no ancient big butts here, geez, move along would you.

Let’s see what’s next. “druid gerbil” Okay, that’s it. I’m out of here. You people are not taking this seriously.

Sometimes trying to do a public service seems like a thankless task. A dirty job but yeah, someone’s got to do it.

Ask The Ancient — Myzerian Butt Dance

Yes, I’m sorry. It’s Tuesday and I have nothing else to do. No, that’s wrong. I have nothing else I WANT to do so it’s once again time to peruse search terms. I wish I had some actual, helpful information to impart, but I don’t, so you’re stuck with this. I’ll understand if you leave before the show starts.

First, I was surprised that the search terms “hello yes this is dog know your meme” led quite a few people here. If I search, I get straight to the correct place for useful information on this meme which would be here. But if you landed here by mistake I feel it’s only fair to provide SOMETHING close, so here’s my dog ordering pizza. I KNOW! How cheeky is that! Didn’t even ask what I wanted on it.

And OMG, I wish I’d thought to clean the dog noses off the door before you came in. Yes, now you know what I SHOULD be doing instead of writing posts, my secret’s out. Dog noses and dust bunnies, yep.

This is getting a tad tedious. Nudes, nudes, nudes, that’s all anyone seems to want. And this one, surprisingly, is frequently top of the charts, “ancient nude.” SWTOR nude and ancient nude seem to vie constantly for top place. This last week the ancient nude lovers edged out the SWTOR ones. Okay, alright, I’ll try to accommodate.

I’m not sure if this counts. I think Raquel Welch would be somewhere in her seventies now, I’m not sure that qualifies as ancient but it’s all I could come up with. I couldn’t find any recent photos of Ms. Welch nude and could only find this old photo where she comes pretty close.

I hope the ancient nude lovers will give me a pass on this one. I did try. “A” for effort and all that.

Oh! Wait, wait! I have more. Just found this at this guy Max’s website. I hope he doesn’t mind if I use it but it’s too good to pass up. So in return for using his photo, go there, do whatever he says, I’m sure he’s right.

I LOVE that picture. I am so pissed off about getting older too. You kick old age’s ass man! That is the way bro! Sorry, got carried away for a minute. If I could compare aging to anything it’s kind of like the outside of you is turning into an alien while the old you is trapped inside. Not pleasant, so you got to FIGHT IT! And man, he’s pissed and he’s not giving in to stupidhead old age!

Okay, “myzerian butt dance.” Really? I take “Ask The Ancient” very seriously and make every effort to come up with something for everyone but I think you’re having me on here. I really don’t think there’s a myzerian butt dance, I think someone’s pulling my chain. You’re not taking me seriously, I’m offended. Shocking.

Well actually, now that I think about it, this does bring up something that’s been bothering me for a while. WHERE DID MY CAT FORM DANCE GO!

Has anyone else noticed their cat form can no longer dance? This is really most distressing. I don’t know if it’s being caused by an addon or what. Blizzard couldn’t possibly have removed it could they? It was the best thing ever. I loved my cat form dance a lot.

So anyway if you still have yours, let me know and then I’ll try to track down the addon that might be causing it. I’m having sleepless nights over this.

That’s about it, most search terms lately have been exceedingly sensible and boring. Well, except for this one, “i am ready for the coming of the lord.” Yes, my thought exactly. How the hell did they end up here. Did I ever mention the word rapture? I’ll have to be more careful in the future.

So yeah, that’s it. All I got. It’s time for me to go downstairs and see if the dogs left me any pizza and then … sigh … clean dog noses off the back door until the servers are up.

Ask The Ancient — Dangerous Buckets

I’ve been shirking my civic responsibly; I haven’t done an “Ask The Ancient” for a while. I’m sure you’ve missed it. No? Never mind, I’m at 204 posts which bothers me, this new WordPress thingy that keeps spurring you onward to dizzying new heights of productivity by giving you goals tells me my next goal is 205 posts, so I feel compelled to write something so you’re getting this. I feel like I’m leveling WordPress, but OMG there’s no level cap. WordPress, the MMO of blogging platforms.

I don’t get a lot of outlandish search terms and it’s a pity because I enjoy them, but this one however has me baffled, the dangers of having a bucket. I want to be helpful but I’m not sure I know those, I’m also really wondering how they ended up here. I don’t remember talking about dangerous buckets but I’ll give it a go. Um, if you wear one as a hat it might get stuck, hows that?

Moving on, theramore night life. Really? Is something going on in Theramore that I knew nothing about? Is Jaina running a seedy, underbelly of Azeroth night time scene there in Theramore, illegal cockfighting, Baccarat, ram racing, belly dancing, what have you? I’ll have to be sure to check into that. Perhaps that’s why it’s going to be destroyed, NPCs out of control.

Finally something I can actually answer, can the crown chemical co gas mask be transmogrified? No, sadly.

tomerama Yeah, I have no idea. Sorry, but I like it. Tomerama of the Ancient, wish I’d thought of that one.

is there a nude patch for swtor You know, I’m pretty sure there isn’t but I can’t give you a definitive answer, you never know. But just to cheer you up there is one for real life.

I must have been name-dropping. “cymre” or “mischiefus” or “bubbles of mischief” Didn’t mean to poach this person from you Cymre, I hope they found their way to you from here.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. Aeonaxx, speeder, camel …. Oh wait! This next one I can’t help with cause I still haven’t found a fix. razer mouse buttons not working swtor Yep, still not working BUT! How ’bout this.

Display driver stopped responding and has recovered

I have a new Nvidia graphics card that has been driving me crazy. The screen goes black or occasionally freezes the computer and then you get that display. I’ve searched for months for a fix. I found quite a few that seemed to help some but not me. So here, try this:

Go into your Nvidia control panel, manage 3d settings, program settings, select (whatever program you’re having this happen in, mine was Firefox), and set power management mode to maximum performance.

Okay, I feel like I should add something extra. There’ll be company over the weekend so if I get time it will be spent in game, not talking. Hmmm … I KNOW!

This is my five-man crew. Yeah, most mornings we patrol the neighborhood looking for butt to kick. Yeah, beware any bad men made completely out of dog biscuits, my dog can so take you. The other human part of our five-man team only let me post this if I cut off her head, dogs didn’t care. My dog, as you can see has me on a leash, so that’s me that you can’t see on the end of that leash. The Shepard is my dog’s girlfriend, at least that’s what he says. The other Lab is his buddy, they share the same tastes, which would be FUD, we haz to haz it. They’re having a snack while my dog’s girlfriend stays on alert for mobs.

Posting 205th post … Ta Da … hopefully that’ll keep WordPress off my back for a while.

Ask The Ancient — SWTOR L2P Vendor

I hadn’t planned on another “Ask the Ancient” so soon, but I was so excited about the “swtor L2P vendor” search term today that I thought I’d post about it in the hope that someone out there knows where he’s located. I know I could really, really, use a vendor who sells L2P. I’m pretty lazy, I mean I do visit sites and try to research my characters, but I’m afraid if they aren’t dying excessively I tend to just phone it in. I hope this is true, I hope whoever typed in this search term is correctly informed and there really is a vendor who will be able to sell me some L2P. Got my fingers crossed.

Well go ahead, tell me I told you so. Yes, I should have seen this coming. I’m now getting “swtor nude” search terms. Well I said I’d answer questions and I guess this is a legitimate concern to people so I don’t want it said I didn’t come through for anyone, so here. Your SWTOR nude.

Bowdarr agreed to model for me although he absolutely refused to take that harness thingy holding his weapons off. But anyway, I think this counts, I’ve fulfilled someone’s desires and that’s what matters here at Ask the Ancient.

I have to admit my favorite question isn’t WoW or SWTOR related.

“i don’t know what is the cheese doodles” Ta Da!! Is that not great?

I really don’t think there’s any mention of cheese doodles in WoW or SWTOR but someone with deeper lore knowledge might be a better source for this kind of question. Me, I think it’s cause I once said something about my blog being the epicurean equivalent of a cheese doodle. So anyway, it’s a bright orange, puffy, curly, junk food. Just say no.

Okay, I’m going to wrap up with a question that’s appearing more and more often now. I can only give you the Empire location as there’s a queue on the server my Republic characters are on right now, but I’m betting he’s right there on the Republic Fleet too.

He’s down the stairs across from the Galatic Trade Market. There have also been requests for the “speeder trainer” but I learned speeder training from my regular bounty hunter trainer at level 25 so I don’t know if there is an actual speeder trainer, I would guess not.

And oh, if anyone else is flying across space wasting gas like I was. You can redeem your planet commendations right there on the fleet. While I was looking for the speeder vendor I found those guys, I had been flying back to the planet I had commendation for, geez. Save your gas, they’re all on your Fleet ship.

Ask The Ancient — Nude Brunnhildar

I got my WordPress “year in review” which was really nice of them but I’m not sharing as it’s humiliating that aside from a few kind people I’m sort of on my own here with the spammers who keep trying to link cure halitosis, chain saws, and metal-drill-bits to my blog. And really, cure halitosis? You’ve never even met me, how dare you.

I will share one bit which is no surprise. The busiest day of the year was October 6th, the most popular post that day was The WoW Ironman Challenge — Warlock Final Ding! that Ironsally is a media whizz kid for sure. So anyway in an effort to try to present you with some actual informative posts occasionally, I’ve decided to add “Ask The Ancient.” On going through the search terms that landed people on this blog over the past year I found questions that I sometimes really knew the answer to. So while you are certainly welcome to send a question to tomeoftheancient at that email service Google provides I’m going to start off with questions that came up in the last year’s search terms. Just keep in mind that I actually know next to nothing if you do ask a question, but I will wholeheartedly endeavor to find out what inquiring minds want to know.

So first … what? Well of course it’s me in the picture, why? What! Well it was taken on the day after New Year’s Eve, how good did you look that morning? Sheesh, so as I was saying these are actual search terms somebody used and for whatever reason ended up here. I’ll first be tackling, Nude Brunnhilar. And no I am not making this up. A quick search indicates that one is available at Deviant Art but you’re going to have to sign up and be over 18 to view it. There that was easy.

I didn’t sign up or view it as I’ve been there, done that. I’m like a slightly undersized Vrykul myself. I’m rather tall, pale although not blue. Since I decided that getting my hair cut was a terrible waste of three hours time that could be better spent in game, I now have about two feet of wild flowing hair and I frequently do say things like: I will feed you to the dogs! I’ll wear your intestines for a necklace! I see me naked everyday and I can tell you … big whoop, but that’s just me. Oh my, I take that back. On searching a little more I found links to nude Vrykul who don’t require you to login and I so don’t look like that, and I’m not giving you the link either sonny, for shame.

Maybe I should have started off with something else. Hmmm, let’s see. How about mysterious camel figurine spawn points, that’s pretty straightforward. Here we go, a civic minded Azerothian has posted a map with route here. I wish you the best of luck.

Whew, my first public service announcement done. I hope it helped somebody. I’ll have to take some time to study up to answer the rest. I mean one of the top search terms is wow jerks, how to you address that one. Do they want to know how to avoid them, exterminate them, be one? I don’t know, this is harder than I thought. I need a break. I don’t even know where to begin with rude where’s waldo.