Screaming Like a Little Girl

So yesterday I was all happy. Yay! I’m out of my mope! Things are looking up! I’m going to read all the blogs and comment! Yeah … I should have known I was tempting fate. I had sent work off for review. I probably had MOST OF THE DAY to read and then go to the Timeless Isle! YAY!

Nope. I published my post and the phone rang. Phone-ringing early morning is not a good sign. My Mother. Not a good sign. She said she had a doctor appointment and felt too bad to drive, I must drive her. A round trip to my Mother is three hours since she refuses to live close to any of her designated drivers. Okay, what can you do.

I have an irrational fear. Just one … I’m not greedy. Snakes. I really, really hate them. I really, really fear them. I see one and the hair on the back of my head stands up. I get chills. I scream.

So I go to the basement to bring the dogs in from their morning jaunt in the yard. At the bottom of the stairs. IN MY HOUSE! THERE IS A SNAKE.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM! SCREAMING MORE! AND MORE!

Yeah, it went on for a while, the thing’s hearing is probably permanently impaired now but I don’t care, I hate it!

I had to leave to go drive my Mother but for some reason I was convinced snake would get the dogs while I was away. My husband thinks I’m pretty funny. I attribute all sorts of mystical powers to snakes. They could climb the stairs. They could squeeze under the door at the top of the stairs. They could GET THE DOGS!

I must resolve this before I leave. This means I must approach crafty snake. OMG! I get a trash can lid and manage to put in on top of snake. In my mind I have sufficiently protected the dogs. I can get the hell out of the house of doom with a clear conscious.

Four and a half hours later I return. Dogs are okay. We wait for husband to come home. We don’t go down to the basement. I don’t even open the door to the basement lest SNAKE is lurking on the top step … having escaped confinement.

There is a big thunderstorm going on in the background, kind of setting the mood. Husband’s late. FINALLY he arrives. I tell him my snake story which he seems to find amusing.

He’s more afraid of you than you are of him.

BULLSHIT! That’s not even possible.

Snakes are good, they eat rats.

I DON’T CARE, I’M NOT AFRAID OF RATS … JUST SNAKES … please just get him out of here!

So, long story short … I guess that’s not possible. Long story ending. The snake was gone, kind of proving my point that they have super powers. It’s still in the basement. I gave my husband a flashlight to search but snake is too crafty … it’s hidden. IT LIVES … IN MY BASEMENT.

I’m writing this two stories away from the snake but I keep turning around to check my back.

I really did have a WoW related post in mind … but I can’t concentrate on anything but SNAKE.

Anyway, the moral of the story is if something good happens and you’re all happy about it DON’T post it on a WoW blog. Apparently the fates closely monitor WoW blogs for happiness and you may end up with a SNAKE in your basement. Or a RAT or a SPIDER or … I don’t know a WEIMARANER … just insert your own irrational fear. I’m not kidding … be careful.

Signing off … two staircases away from the basement.

I am a Boss, Hear me RAWR!

In certain circles irl I’m not known as Cat or Tome or Ancient. I’m known as Mimi. All the other traditional terms were already taken so yeah … I’m Mimi. At my mother’s birthday celebration yesterday, my six year old granddaughter proclaimed that she was going to be a chef when she grew up. This little one does not eat, she appears to live solely on oxygen. It’s a constant concern of her mother’s and mine too. The ONLY thing she will usually even consider consuming is bacon, yep, bacon. Birthday cake? Nope, just … bacon.

So  I told her I thought that was unlikely as how would she know what her dishes taste like as she wouldn’t try them. Oh dear … this caused the lamentations of the small, tiny, angry woman.

“You are NOT Mimi!” “You’re name is MEANIE!” MEANIE THE DREAMBREAKER, that’s who you are!”

Oh geez, she’s got a point there, I remember telling my daughter she couldn’t grow up to be a tree.

Okay, well I had to try to cheer her up but it’s hard when you’re rolling around on the floor … you know … LMAO.

So I told her I might be wrong after some thought, I thought she would indeed be a great, well known chef. She would come to be known throughout the land as the GREAT CHEF BACÓN. I mean not just a stupid regular O bacon but a fancy Ó chef.

So I continued to yell, CHEF BACÓN loudly and with a phony French accent repeatedly and that did the trick. Being somewhat mollified now, she agreed to at least eat a multiple vitamin. I know, but it’s something.

But now I’m quite excited, I’m sure Blizzard will be contacting me any time now for an audition! I just know it! They’ll want the dreaded Meanie the Dreambreaker boss in the next expansion!

Let’s see … it could be about the Emerald Dream gone horribly wrong. Previously good, kind Druids go bonkers and roam the land leaving death and destruction in their wake.Yes! Yes! That’ll work!

FEAR ME! FEAR ME! All will fall before MEANIE THE DREAMBREAKER … well, until a raid comes and kills me but still, I’m so excited, I’ve got to go practice my roar.

RAWRRRR RAWRRRRRRRRRRR!

Helm of Fierce Bison

I’ve been trying to figure out how to display my Helm of Fierce Bison without … you know … blowing my cover. Because once you’ve seen me it cannot be unseen. It’s for your own good. So anyway, I noticed all the news stories about Goth Barbies. That’s it! I’ll use Goth Barbie as my avatar!

Since Matty can’t login and check her mail (which really has Cat spazzing out) because I think lightening is menacing her or something, TA DA! Goth Barbie is modeling my new Helm of Fierce Bison!

I know! It’s the most wonderful helm ever! The heat index here this week is at 108 degrees Fahrenheit and yet I wore that baby for the first hour I had it! I think I will wear it to any special occasion coming up, my mother’s birthday party! Just the ticket! I am so excited to winter dog walk this year!

What? Well yeah … Goth Barbie would totally have a Lesser Voidcaller pet … no question.

Thank you so much Matty! I love it! Best Helm ever!

You Know It’s True Love When …

I read Matty’s post about her first kiss. I was trying to remember mine, nothing. Not a clue. So I gave up and decided to yes, log into a game. This is a thing not done lightly, oh no. This takes skill and determination, sometimes I’m successful on my first go … sometimes not.

Years ago I had a gmail account hacked because my password was ludicrously easy to figure out from my email address. Never again. When creating a new password now, I close my eyes and let my fingers spastically drum all over the keyboard … something like this:

n a5ey7[02vf24gy 40 Y7q875CCY]I

I then remove any special characters and spaces and presto! My new password is born!

No one can figure it out … take that you hackers! Problem is I can’t remember them either. And every game and login has a different one.

What does this have to do with first kisses and love? True MMO love is when you’ve got that game’s password MEMORIZED! Apparently I have only one true MMO love, WoW is the only game I can log into without removing the Tome of Passwords from the safe. I got that baby MEMORIZED, this is TRUE LOVE.

I’ve been a little disappointed lately. I rely on this blog to provide me with some comic relief through spam and keyword searches. I’m puzzled by a recent spam approach, insults.

Well I NEVER! Look here Mr. Breast Actives I most certainly did not! Yeah, it’s no Norwegian carrot cake recipe but you work with what you have.

And aren’t we all a bunch of serious business types, sheesh. Spawn points of unborn val’kyrs, camels. Where’s the fun stuff guys!

The best I could come up with is “compulsive wiggle butt.” Yeah … it’s weak but it’s something. You people are all way too serious … lighten up.

One more thing … a warning. The aliens … they are among us.

There is my recreation of what these so called “Tulips” looked like on day one. They looked like nicely behaved flowers. By day three it became apparent they were no ordinary Tulips, they were alien beings trying to surreptitiously work their way upstairs and do WHO KNOWS WHAT while we slept. But the jokes on them.

Day four, GARBAGE DISPOSAL! HAHAHAHAHAHA! We humans will not be conquered THAT easily!

So anyway … just saying … be careful out there.

I Sense a Storm Coming …

What? What? What IS it? Oh come on, you’re not impressing me with all this “my elven half” senses a storm coming, I mean look at my ears. I’m a full-blooded Elf and I don’t sense any … what … the local news? Oh.

Nothing really new here but I thought if I’m going to lose my beloved internet I should say something while I can. At least /wave. The local news is warning of stormageddon today. I usually don’t pay attention to their hysteria but then the federal government is now giving liberal leave to workers. So I have made preparations. I have both dogs leashes ready, and every pair of glasses or contacts I have and my iPad in a heap near the basement door. There. Prepared.

Since the rest of my family won’t allow me to leash and hold onto them huddled in the basement that’s about all I can do. So I thought if we lose power it would be nice for Cat and Cimmeia to have company. It might be a good thing. So far in five days I have spent the equivalent of two months subscription in Neverwinter. I KNOW! What’s wrong with me!

Uh oh, I’d better wrap it up, I think Cimmeia is right. The first round is here. I’d appreciate it if you two girls would send a few prayers to the power company gods for me. Food and water, who needs it. But not my INTERNET pleaseeeeeeeeee …

Information Packed Posts …

sadly never happen here. Yeah … I know, it bothers me too. So it’s Friday and I’ve got nothing, so I decided to REALLY think hard. I must know SOMETHING helpful … no, nothing so far … then I found Joanna! Yay! I can do this! You can do THIS! Let’s all PRANCE!

Yeah … the hair … I can’t do that. Maybe a ponytail would be appropriate … yeah … I can definitely do a great ponytail. Okay, the pants I’m NOT doing. I don’t think it will hurt anything if I wear jeans do you? Those pants … no … just … cannot.

So while I was prancing, I FINALLY thought of some great information to share. It might come in handy if you have allergies or sinus problems like I do. These problems can cause mouth breathing. One of the reasons I never want to talk on vent or mumble but never mind that, on to the helpful information!

When cleaning your toilet, take a deep breath BEFORE using the toilet brush. Now hold that breath while strenuously scrubbing the toilet bowl. If needed, stop brushing, back away. Release your breath. Take another deep breath. Repeat scrubbing. Continue to repeat the steps until toilet bowl is clean.

Failure to close mouth while cleaning can result in splashes of water hitting your face. This can result in screaming and dare I say, a lot of prancing around while screaming. Really, I you could end up using an ENTIRE bottle of mouthwash trying to disinfect your mouth.

Not to worry, when certain people in my house forget to put the toilet seat down, our dogs on occasion have had a sip of toilet water. They’re still here … so whew …

Yay! There’s my helpful, informational post! I love this being helpful stuff, I feel like a freaking Mother Teresa of Azeroth now, although technically I don’t think we have to scrub toilet bowls there. Maybe they’ll make a daily for it. Anyway, remember to prance and keep your mouth closed while doing hazardous tasks! And have a great weekend, my work here is done!

When Pigs, er, Monkeys Fly

I was never able to find any Stormwind rats that were cats, and was saddened. But this! This more than makes up for it! And people say Darnassus is boring!

Mogolympics Scandal, Judge Tampering?

Stormwind Times – 1 hour

SW ELWYNN FOREST – A shocking revelation today when it was discovered that a judge in the ongoing Mogolympics had their confidential files compromised. It’s being reported that a Darnassian Druid “borrowed” one of the photos of an archery competitor to have a portrait painted. At this point it’s still unclear if there was any wrong doing on the part of the judge, or whether anyone will contest the results of the event.

Attempts were made to get a statement from the Night Elf Druid who was on a Bandit killing spree in Elwynn Forest at the time. Unfortunately we were unable to get the interview. Communication was hampered by a giant dog who seemed to perceive the news team as a threat. While escaping one reporter heard, “He was so dreamy, I never got to met him. Sob … sob.” The team managed to make it to the safety of the Goldshire Inn. The judge in question has declined an interview, and has reportedly gone into hiding at an undisclosed location.

Waiting …

Yeah, I’m just waiting. Otherwise known as faffing. Waiting for the scores for the Archery round from the computator supreme. Waiting for Patch 5.0.4. Waiting for September 25th. Just you know, waiting for stuff.

I’d like to thank That Was an Accident for the idea to dance on Varian’s head. Couldn’t get anyone else interested, but that’s okay. Dancing on Varian’s head can be enjoyed solo or with a group.

Got to thank Bubbles of Mischief and The Crimson Hammer for reminding me about the dog whistle. Yay! Finally got it!

Yeah … that last one. Shouldn’t really blame that on anyone else. That’s kind of me … doing the WoW equivalent of contemplating my navel I guess. And what’s really creepy is, it was a lot longer. I cut it short to save you the pain.

Rest assured that reporters are standing by to bring you the Mogolympics news as soon as it breaks. In the meantime I’ll have to go looking for some more last minute shopping to do while I wait for the world as we know it to change once again.

I Love Your Artichoke and My Dog has Fleas

Oh grow up! I am not mocking Thrall, I’m trying to make a point. I decided to do the photo shoot in Theramore kind of as a reminder. Anyway, the whole Horde = Evil, Alliance = Good or vice versa is a false dichotomy. There are good and bad on both sides and Thrall happens to be one of my favorites, so I invited him along and he wanted to come. To assist. Me. In a rant, if you couldn’t already tell.

This isn’t shaping up to be a red letter week so I’m going to rant early on and maybe scare the badness away, it’s worth a shot. AUTO CORRECT STOP TRYING TO HELP ME DAMMIT! Because of star alignment and evil forces in real life I’m having to try to comment using my iPad. I am heartily sick of typing I love your helm and after clicking reply seeing that I’ve just said I love your artichoke. I can come across as an idiot all on my own thank you, I don’t need your bloody help to make no sense so STOP!

I’m having to comment on my iPad as I have to monitor my dog. No, he doesn’t have fleas, that would be easy. He has separation anxiety and if I have to go out and hunt for food and take too long there are consequences. He licks his feet out of worry and then a vet visit and a lot of nasty drugs that will take their toll if overused will be necessary so today I decided to be PROACTIVE and craft WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS paw protectors. OMG! That’s a long run-on sentence even for me.

So the problem was I couldn’t leave the house as he’d worry. I’m taking care of the dogs next door this week and that already sets him off as I come home smelling of “other” dog treachery, so a trip to the store was out until my husband came home. I couldn’t wait. I went through all our drawers hunting for something with elastic I could deconstruct. I finally found the perfect thing and spent the morning trying to rip out the elastic. I’m a little rusty with a seam ripper. I know, shame on me being a leathercrafter and all.

Finally I liberated the elastic! Got to remember to hide the ripped up remains of the sacrificial garment. Hope it wasn’t a favorite. At last! The ultimate in paw protection! I know my husband will be happy I put his socks to good use! I just know it! Do you see that, troubles? Want a piece of me? Yeah, come at me! Armed with household items I will craft an item to smite you, no lie!

Anyway, hope it works. Got my fingers crossed. And if I said anything weird on your blog it wasn’t me. It was auto correct. I’m obviously not weird. So anyway, how do you like his transmog? Needs a name though. Footpads of Lickiness Not? Footguards of Canine Lament? I don’t know, I’ll have to keep working on that.