Archive for aging gamers and hand-eye coordination

The Hound of Heinous Intent

Posted in General WoW with tags , , , , on February 10, 2014 by tomeoftheancient

hintentThe hound is telling me to quit. Call it a day. Move on. You suck. Go clean dust bunnies. Right now I kind of agree with it. Sigh …

thumperI guess I’ll have to write this post as I don’t seem to be able to move past it. I was brought up on, “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.” Yeah … I guess my Mother followed the Disney Method of Child-rearing cause I’m pretty sure Thumper in the movie Bambi said that.

I really hate to whine and that’s what I’m doing. And I’m angry which is preferable to depressed so I’ve got to keep the anger going. The risk there through is that I’ll descend into my angry talk which is pretty much an effing every other effing word.

Blizzard did nothing wrong, Blizzard did things right and that’s the problem. Years ago I finally realized that I was not going to find a guild of retirees and night shift workers that were a merry band who raided between 10am and 4pm eastern time weekdays on my server.

I would have to find other ways to entertain myself. Okay. Things were going smoothly until Blizzard added what I had always wanted. Solo content. Something I could do in the lonely hours of … well … daytime.

So I remembered that Cim had stopped the Brawler’s Guild fights around level five or six. They were fun, I thought I’d go back. I had been stuck on that big stupid Marsh Walker thing Proboskus.

I’m still stuck on that effing stupid thing. I can’t avoid the rain drops. I’ve tried. There is no lag. Although I dress like a street person and drive a 13 year old car my COMPUTER is very, very nice. It’s not my computer. It’s effing ME.

When my mind registers those rain drops enough to attempt to move me I’m now already effing dead. Icy Veins says, “you need to position your camera above you and zoom out as much as you can. This way, you will easily see the water drops.”

Yes, I did that. Yes I can see them, I can see them EFFING KILLING ME. Over and over. It’s me. Whatever reflexes I ever had have atrophied to the point of nonexistence. While I can manage to interrupt Torrent I CAN’T AVOID THE EFFING RAIN DROPS.

I tried standing in the stupid thing’s crotch thinking maybe he wouldn’t be stupid enough to throw rain drops on himself. Nope. Dead again.

It occurs to me that if I keep trying sooner or later I may just accidentally stand in a spot that no water drops on. Oh, it COULD happen. People win the stupid lottery, it’s possible and it’s my only hope. I’m just not up to it yet.

I didn’t even want to login I was so upset. I decided to do stuff irl. Okay, I’m always jealous of these bloggers who can write poetry. I’ll try a haiku. See, I don’t need you WoW. I can entertain myself over here. I wrote a haiku about my dog that made me cry. Really. Apparently poetry also involves reflexes cause I SCREWED THAT UP TOO.

So in a very mature fashion I have deflected the blame from myself and directed it at Cim. She’s being punished.

aloneI sent her to dinosaur island and told her she can return when she either decides she’s ready to overcome a stupid Marsh Walker or she collects 9999 dinosaur bones. It seems that’s all she can handle, because HER REFLEXES SUCK.

So anyway … you all have fun. Enjoy Warlords. Wish I could join you but it looks like I’ll be stuck here in Pandaria trying to AVOID STUPID EFFING RAIN DROPS FOR ALL ETERNITY … because my Cim’s reflexes suck.

A family friend used to always say something to the effect of getting old is not for sissies. We used to titter and giggle and roll our eyes behind his back. Not THAT again. I apologize. He was right. Had I paid heed to his warning maybe I could have found a way to turn off my exp. It’s too late now. I should have listened.

Slowhand or Death by Predatory Swiftness

Posted in General WoW with tags , , on October 20, 2013 by tomeoftheancient

slowhandA little while back Big Bear had a post about getting old. I so know what he meant although I’m not sure if it’s worse to remember better times or never to have had them. I arrived in Azeroth past my prime. Totally devoid of youthful reflexes. I don’t have any glory days to remember. First I was an old noob then I became just … older … and kinda beat up.

I don’t know if my hand-eye coordination was any better in my youth. I tried to think, but the only thing that I was ever competitive at was riding, and I think that’s a whole other skill set … more like balance and rapport with large beasts. Apparently I must have had balance and I definitely have rapport with beasts, probably more than with humans.

My right hand was broken once and never really got “right” again. With the bad comes some good, because now I have a handy built-in barometer. The hand hurts when air pressure changes and I do as good or better than the weatherman on TV with predictions. I haven’t figured out how to monetize that yet though.

I was born with crappy eyesight so I’m used to that and it’s never been a problem until recently. Because of Presbyopia I have an ever increasing cache of cheap eyeglasses with varying levels of magnification stashed around the house. Finding just the right combination of bifocal contacts paired with cheap glasses to see the fire I’m standing in with at least one eye is a science that I don’t always get just right.

THEN … reflexes. I SEE that I’m standing in something bad. I react as fast as I possibly can … now I’m almost dead … or dead. I was doing Cinderfall the other day and he shot fire out his butt or whatever he does and I MOVED out of it as fast as I could … dead. There was another person standing right by me and they seemed to move BEFORE he even shot his fiery flame of death at us. I KNOW it’s not my connection or my computer’s fault … it’s me.

I occasionally don’t even NEED a great bolt of fire to kill me. I kill myself. For those of you who aren’t Feral Druids there is a wonderful spell called Predatory Swiftness. For me it’s an instant heal based off combo points, it’s a life saver … and a killer.

I have a great big damn display counting out the seconds I have left on it, you can see it up there, it’s hard to miss. I have 3 more seconds to use it or lose it. This is the point of no return … 3 seconds. If I get cocky and think I can hit that key with 1 second showing, I’ve killed myself … and I do it more frequently than I’d care to mention. If I miss the timing, Cat will shoot up into squishy, wimpy caster form to be instantly beaten to death before I can regain cat form. I just killed her … sigh.

Getting old in Azeroth is dangerous business, no doubt about it. So Cat and Cim have worked it out, Cim does things like the Celestial bosses if someone’s getting a group together, Cat does not. Cat handles tricky things like pet battles, Cim does not. They’ve worked out a plan that suits them and me. The crafty Warlock is much better at killing things while preserving herself … figures.

Cat’s much better at sneaking in undetected and pouncing on Gulp Frogs although in fairness to Cim she doesn’t need to sneak in she pretty much just blasts her way through on the never ending quest to get Bufo to cough up that pet.

One day … maybe one day Matty will get that Old Lady Raiders guild going but until then Slowhand Cat will pick her fights and leave the fire-shooting bad guys to that crazy Warlock because I’m not leaving no matter how freaking old I get … so there Cinderfall.

And no, the whole post wasn’t just an excuse to sneak Eric Clapton in, I DO kill myself with Predatory Swiftness with some regularity.