This is a tale of desire and obsession. It spans more than a year. I have been on a mission that nearly ended in madness. While you all were off killing Deathwing and everything I’ve been in pursuit of the famed, elusive, Mechanical Chicken. Try to top that … yeah, speechless aren’t you. It wasn’t an easy job, but someone had to do it, no matter the risk to my sanity.
As is to be expected with a prized beast such as this, many tales and myths abound. While having an ale in a seedy bar in Stormwind I overheard talk that by completing the quests found within OOX-09/HL Distress Beacon in The Hinterlands, OOX-17/TN Distress Beacon in Tanaris and the OOX-22/FE Distress Beacon in Feralas you would be offered a final quest, An OOX of Your Own, the prize for this, the Mechanical Chicken!
Seems simple enough but as I endlessly slaughtered beasts with no beacon in sight, I started to wonder if I’d completed these, or one of them or two. I can’t remember which characters have done what anymore. This has been going on for over a year, surely something would have dropped by now. I was beginning to give thought to calling Blizzard support and yelling, “Nevermind attending to those hacked accounts, WHERE ARE MY BEACONS? I MUST HAVE BEACONS NOW!”
Thankfully a commenter on Wowhead posted this method for finding out whether you’d completed any of the quests. According to it I had only completed the quest in Tanaris. I had killed a couple thousand Noxious Whelps in Feralas hoping for either the beacon or a Tiny Emerald Whelpling and nothing. And they are exceedingly noxious those whelps, look at what those little bastar … those whelps drop. AND that’s a rich one, some only carry copper.
Not knowing whether I had deleted a beacon in the past, whether another would drop if I had, I continued on my road to madness, endlessly killing low level mobs, it’s worse than fishing. Finally, FINALLY, the Feralas beacon dropped. I moved on to The Hinterlands and killed anything that moved there … for days on end. Yesterday the final beacon dropped.
I headed to Booty Bay to turn my quest in! Finally you will be mine chicken! All mine! I turned in the quest. I was told “You don’t meet the requirements for that quest.” WHAT! I will turn this town into a smoking heap of ashes if I do not get my chicken!! I AM SO NOT KIDDING HERE GNOME! Intimidation apparently worked as on my second attempt at turning in the quest he saw things differently and gave me my chicken. Yeah Gnome, you’re feeling me aren’t you, don’t play that game with me.
After a year searching, I’d found my chicken at last. But as happy as I was I had other problems concerning me. Every time I turned in a quest I noticed reputation dropping with my good friends the Bloodsail Buccaneers. Was our relationship completely destroyed? Nothing for it but to go see.
Thank Elune, I was still welcome. I wasn’t an honored guest anymore but they still greeted me warmly. Good, we’re still BFFs. I stayed a while to chat but the way Good-Boy Bruce was starring at my chicken was totally freaking me out. So that’s 121, who’s next? I guess it’s back to Feralas to make my fortune a few crumby coppers at a time off those obnoxious Noxious Whelps. Maybe my luck has changed, maybe they’re ready to hand over that Tiny Emerald Whelpling to keep me from stealing their savings. There’s no harm in dreaming.
Tome of the Ancient 