Archive for Proboskus

The Hound of Heinous Intent

Posted in General WoW with tags , , , , on February 10, 2014 by tomeoftheancient

hintentThe hound is telling me to quit. Call it a day. Move on. You suck. Go clean dust bunnies. Right now I kind of agree with it. Sigh …

thumperI guess I’ll have to write this post as I don’t seem to be able to move past it. I was brought up on, “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.” Yeah … I guess my Mother followed the Disney Method of Child-rearing cause I’m pretty sure Thumper in the movie Bambi said that.

I really hate to whine and that’s what I’m doing. And I’m angry which is preferable to depressed so I’ve got to keep the anger going. The risk there through is that I’ll descend into my angry talk which is pretty much an effing every other effing word.

Blizzard did nothing wrong, Blizzard did things right and that’s the problem. Years ago I finally realized that I was not going to find a guild of retirees and night shift workers that were a merry band who raided between 10am and 4pm eastern time weekdays on my server.

I would have to find other ways to entertain myself. Okay. Things were going smoothly until Blizzard added what I had always wanted. Solo content. Something I could do in the lonely hours of … well … daytime.

So I remembered that Cim had stopped the Brawler’s Guild fights around level five or six. They were fun, I thought I’d go back. I had been stuck on that big stupid Marsh Walker thing Proboskus.

I’m still stuck on that effing stupid thing. I can’t avoid the rain drops. I’ve tried. There is no lag. Although I dress like a street person and drive a 13 year old car my COMPUTER is very, very nice. It’s not my computer. It’s effing ME.

When my mind registers those rain drops enough to attempt to move me I’m now already effing dead. Icy Veins says, “you need to position your camera above you and zoom out as much as you can. This way, you will easily see the water drops.”

Yes, I did that. Yes I can see them, I can see them EFFING KILLING ME. Over and over. It’s me. Whatever reflexes I ever had have atrophied to the point of nonexistence. While I can manage to interrupt Torrent I CAN’T AVOID THE EFFING RAIN DROPS.

I tried standing in the stupid thing’s crotch thinking maybe he wouldn’t be stupid enough to throw rain drops on himself. Nope. Dead again.

It occurs to me that if I keep trying sooner or later I may just accidentally stand in a spot that no water drops on. Oh, it COULD happen. People win the stupid lottery, it’s possible and it’s my only hope. I’m just not up to it yet.

I didn’t even want to login I was so upset. I decided to do stuff irl. Okay, I’m always jealous of these bloggers who can write poetry. I’ll try a haiku. See, I don’t need you WoW. I can entertain myself over here. I wrote a haiku about my dog that made me cry. Really. Apparently poetry also involves reflexes cause I SCREWED THAT UP TOO.

So in a very mature fashion I have deflected the blame from myself and directed it at Cim. She’s being punished.

aloneI sent her to dinosaur island and told her she can return when she either decides she’s ready to overcome a stupid Marsh Walker or she collects 9999 dinosaur bones. It seems that’s all she can handle, because HER REFLEXES SUCK.

So anyway … you all have fun. Enjoy Warlords. Wish I could join you but it looks like I’ll be stuck here in Pandaria trying to AVOID STUPID EFFING RAIN DROPS FOR ALL ETERNITY … because my Cim’s reflexes suck.

A family friend used to always say something to the effect of getting old is not for sissies. We used to titter and giggle and roll our eyes behind his back. Not THAT again. I apologize. He was right. Had I paid heed to his warning maybe I could have found a way to turn off my exp. It’s too late now. I should have listened.

Deja Vu All Over Again

Posted in General WoW with tags , , , on August 29, 2013 by tomeoftheancient

ashOh hai … yes it’s me … why? Anyway after some thought I decided if I was going to go awol maybe my last post sitting around for who knows how long shouldn’t be about poop. Oh yeah … Tome of the Ancient, I remember her, she wrote about poop. Yeah … no.

I’ve been starting posts and then getting the feeling it seems kinda familiar. So I check and damn … I already wrote about that. I think this is 500th postitis. I’m so close but it’s cheating if I already said it. So I THINK this is new stuff.

Redbeard was talking about the dress code in GW2. It is so true, I checked and my Necromancer is wearing a little short skirt that just does not scream evil, soul-draining NECROMANCER. I thought I’d take a visit as I hadn’t played for close to a year. I’d forgotten how to play her and then got stuck in Divinity’s Reach and couldn’t find my way out so decided to start anew. I had a plan to defeat the dress code and it worked.

I made a female Charr and I see they don’t bother putting Charr in short frilly dresses. There, she looks like a proper Necromancer. I’m having fun, I seem to spend most of my time here crawling around and jumping trying to reach the vistas, I don’t seem to make much forward progress but that’s fine.

Hi Ashmara Steeltail! I’ll try not to abandon you for a year but I wouldn’t count on it, I have a bad track record. Just letting you know.

Whew, good. I know I never said any of that before.

On pondering what has put me in a WoW snit I remembered about the last thing I did was get killed about four times in a row by Proboskus. I had thought my time in the Brawler’s Ring would be limited because of my lowly iLevel 496 gear. I was wrong. It’s ME! I can not for the life of me stay out of the freaking drops of rain. YES! Defeated by RAIN DROPS. So demoralizing. It probably was the last straw. Well, until the patch anyway.

There that’s new too.

Okay, I thought I’d take a look at search terms, they’re new and fresh! Not. Not even enough for a “Ask the Ancient” post. There were only two that were mildly interesting. First was hairy panties hoes. I’m not even going there.

Next was hairy panty china. OH! I did not know that. Maybe I’d like a set. So I did a quick check at Amazon to see if they had them. What luck! They carry them!

pantyhosechinaThey’re lovely! I must order mine, I wonder if they come with mugs or cups. So excited.

Oh … and I’ve also become nostalgic for the olden days of blogs. I’ve been reading old posts from a year or so ago. It apparently wasn’t enough to miss the old Darkshore, now I’m doing the same thing, just with the blogs I read. I know! Geez, snap out of it.

Welp … that’s it then. I am almost positive I’ve never said any of this stuff before. I’m good to go. And oh … Ash isn’t that ugly. She’s wearing a scary mask to frighten you. Not sure if it’s scarier than the short frilly party dress but you work with what you’ve got.