Archive for silly yet true

Screaming Like a Little Girl

Posted in Silly with tags , on September 13, 2013 by tomeoftheancient

screamSo yesterday I was all happy. Yay! I’m out of my mope! Things are looking up! I’m going to read all the blogs and comment! Yeah … I should have known I was tempting fate. I had sent work off for review. I probably had MOST OF THE DAY to read and then go to the Timeless Isle! YAY!

Nope. I published my post and the phone rang. Phone-ringing early morning is not a good sign. My Mother. Not a good sign. She said she had a doctor appointment and felt too bad to drive, I must drive her. A round trip to my Mother is three hours since she refuses to live close to any of her designated drivers. Okay, what can you do.

I have an irrational fear. Just one … I’m not greedy. Snakes. I really, really hate them. I really, really fear them. I see one and the hair on the back of my head stands up. I get chills. I scream.

So I go to the basement to bring the dogs in from their morning jaunt in the yard. At the bottom of the stairs. IN MY HOUSE! THERE IS A SNAKE.

blackkingsnake

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM! SCREAMING MORE! AND MORE!

Yeah, it went on for a while, the thing’s hearing is probably permanently impaired now but I don’t care, I hate it!

I had to leave to go drive my Mother but for some reason I was convinced snake would get the dogs while I was away. My husband thinks I’m pretty funny. I attribute all sorts of mystical powers to snakes. They could climb the stairs. They could squeeze under the door at the top of the stairs. They could GET THE DOGS!

I must resolve this before I leave. This means I must approach crafty snake. OMG! I get a trash can lid and manage to put in on top of snake. In my mind I have sufficiently protected the dogs. I can get the hell out of the house of doom with a clear conscious.

Four and a half hours later I return. Dogs are okay. We wait for husband to come home. We don’t go down to the basement. I don’t even open the door to the basement lest SNAKE is lurking on the top step … having escaped confinement.

There is a big thunderstorm going on in the background, kind of setting the mood. Husband’s late. FINALLY he arrives. I tell him my snake story which he seems to find amusing.

He’s more afraid of you than you are of him.

BULLSHIT! That’s not even possible.

Snakes are good, they eat rats.

I DON’T CARE, I’M NOT AFRAID OF RATS … JUST SNAKES … please just get him out of here!

So, long story short … I guess that’s not possible. Long story ending. The snake was gone, kind of proving my point that they have super powers. It’s still in the basement. I gave my husband a flashlight to search but snake is too crafty … it’s hidden. IT LIVES … IN MY BASEMENT.

I’m writing this two stories away from the snake but I keep turning around to check my back.

I really did have a WoW related post in mind … but I can’t concentrate on anything but SNAKE.

Anyway, the moral of the story is if something good happens and you’re all happy about it DON’T post it on a WoW blog. Apparently the fates closely monitor WoW blogs for happiness and you may end up with a SNAKE in your basement. Or a RAT or a SPIDER or … I don’t know a WEIMARANER … just insert your own irrational fear. I’m not kidding … be careful.

Signing off … two staircases away from the basement.