Archive for Witcher 3

A Cure for Real Life

Posted in General Gaming with tags on December 30, 2015 by tomeoftheancient

witcherme

WoW is my usual Xanax of choice for stupid real life. It isn’t working right now and since I received Witcher 3 from my daughter and son-in-law for Christmas I thought I’d see if it would work better.

Yes, that’s me. I’m a total badass. The baddest, baddiest badass EVER. Not much resemblance to me IRL though, except for the hair.

Early going was rough, I knew my son-in-law was interested in Witcher and I thought I’d have to give it back to him. I couldn’t graduate from the tutorial. Same problem I usually have.

I was supposed to throw a bomb from a key that wouldn’t work. I finally figured out how to keybind it to something reasonable and passed! Yay! I can see the world!

What? Although I installed the game on my D: drive where’s there’s plenty of room it also put a LOT of junk on my C: to the point that my operating system would be squashed. How dare they!

That took me forever to try to regain some room. System Restore Points? Who need those anyway … and I managed to get the game to run from the D: rather than the steamish thing it installed. We’re in business!

Let’s see the world! Oh yeah … combat. Should have paid more attention. Impossible keys again and I want to see the world so I’ll just keybind one attack to my one key. I don’t need no stinking parry and dodge.

I called my horse. And I am not only smoking hot and a badass, I can vault onto my horse from behind. I know, how cool is that.

Ghoul attack! Ghoul attack! Crap!

How do I dismount … oh, okay.

One key, one key, one key!

One key really hard!

ONE KEY! ONE KEY!

Crap! I’m almost dead here!

I had to run away. Geralt of Rivia didn’t run away, I ran away. Then I got caught up in gathering. He’s probably getting really annoyed waiting for me while I pick flowers but it’s relaxing and the world’s so beautiful.

I know Geralt! Jeez, he thinks  I should make use of the combat tutorial again. You know, I’m starting to think you’re not a badass Geralt, you’re a smart ass.

Oh alright … maybe he’s right. Maybe I DO need to know how to parry and dodge. Anyway, greetings from White Orchard! Geralt and I may be stuck here … a while.

It’s kinda like being stuck in Elwynn Forest or Tirisfal Glades for the entirety of your WoW career. I know, Geralt will never live it down.

 

Advertisements