The Mage Conspiracy Document

Yes, a bunch of my failed Mages, and these are just the ones that survived the big delete. I thought it was because I’m … well fail at mageing but through a little investigative reporting by Ironsally, she’s managed to uncover a huge hoax perpetrated by Gnomes, yes Gnomes, who really aren’t what they seem  …  wait I’m getting ahead of myself here, I’m all excited about being confrontational.

To start at the beginning, Gnomeaggedon posted this challenge.

Challenge: Find one of my old posts from the 830 odd posts I have written and choose to agree or disagree with it. Compare life during TBC with life pre-MoP. Hate me, go on, hate me – ill love you for it!

I commented that I probably couldn’t go the “disagree” route because I’m not confrontational. I’m more of an appeaser. I blame that on my mother who always told me “if you can’t say anything nice, just be quiet.” This got me put in a “special” group in first grade because I never spoke. My mother got confrontational with them though, and put an end to that nonsense. So anyway, I’d like to be confrontational, just once.

While browsing Gnomeaggedon’s blog I did actually come to the point where I took exception to something, in fact I disagreed with his WHOLE BLOG. PvPing with a Mage, I mean a whole Battle Mage section, really, as though that’s possible. I mean it can’t possibly be ME who’s a fail Mage. Something’s going on here. I always thought the Gnomes were up to something devious, I just wasn’t sure what … well now I know and I’m here to reveal it to the world and I’m not sure, but I think the probability is high that Gnomeaggedon is in fact the ringleader of this dastardly plot.

Yes, can you believe it? Ironsally unearthed this shot in a secret archive Gnomeaggedon keeps. He’s taking credit for the Alliance AND THE GNOMES for the moon walk and everyone knows the whole thing was staged and shot in the Motion Picture District of Stormwind. Nobody’s ever walked on the moon, ridiculous. The link? I seem to have misplaced it, but look, there he is!! If anyone could walk on the moon it would mean they aren’t even Gnomish, or Human, or Orc, but alien.

Not convinced, I have more. Don’t think the Gnomes are really aliens who have special powers that allow them to Mage? Well look at this, another telling article where they divulge their nefarious plot to hide among us until they strike, they have an appearance guide! Aliens hiding as cute little Gnomes, right here in Azeroth!

There’s more, this one saddens me, as you can see by the comments even I was at first taken in. Imraith Dos Santos, yes, one of them. And don’t be fooled, if you see a Human or Troll Mage, means nothing. They can disguise their appearance. Good at Mageing? It’s an alien. Case in point, note the comments on Navimie’s post about her Ironman. That’s right; Big Bear Butt accidentally let on that he’s good at being a Mage.  “Bigironbutt the draenei Mage, which is just inside my comfort zone.” Sad but true, our beloved Bear must be one of THEM.

Oh, there were early signs but we missed them.

If you listen closely you’ll hear Cranius frequently allude to his “stature.” All these years we took it to mean his high station as a killing machine while all the time he was actually bemoaning the fate of all Gnomes, he’s short in his true form. And look at the chorus … Gnomes.

Still not convinced? Well another inquiring mind found evidence that they aren’t just up to no good here in Azeroth. In a telling exposé Vrykerion uncovered the truth about Jedi right here. If all that hasn’t convinced you I have one last irrefutable piece of evidence.

Yes, a high level meeting between Gnomeaggedon and his handler. Need I say more? I don’t know if it’s too late. I don’t know if we can save Azeroth from complete alien takeover but we must try! Gnomeaggedon, you’ve been confronted. We will stop at nothing to foil your evil plans! Aarrrgghhh! My Mage Druid is coming for you!

Advertisements